Ungrateful Swine

This time of year brings about many different emotions. Some of you may be wondering, 'why ungrateful swine?' Well, in all honesty, I feel as though I have seen more ungrateful people in the past month than I have people who are actually thankful and grateful for what they have been given or for what people have done/are doing for them. It's amazing...this time of year...and people go bananas...we lose sight of the kind of heart and mindset we should have.

Upon looking up the word "ungrateful" in the dictionary, the definition found is: unappreciative; not displaying gratitude; not giving due return or recompense for benefits conferred.

I dare you the next time that you go into a store to pay attention to what little children are talking about...what they're asking for...what they're crying about. Then I dare you to hear what teenagers are saying and demanding. Then I dare you to look at what middle aged people are buying and saying...then take a good look at yourself...what would people say about your attitude if they heard you in a store?

I'm not going to lie...I am ungrateful. It's something that I have to remind myself daily...to be grateful for what I have...to not always be wanting something more...to not complain that what I have isn't "good enough"... that I "need" something else.

I don't say this to lay on a guilt trip at all...it's something that I've been observing for the past couple of months and really felt compelled to share.

Forgive me Lord if I seem ungrateful...for what I have...for what I'm given...and for people in my life...

Ew...really?!

For my one reader...

The white tundra, which is known as Maine...the great white north...which is my town...gets an insane amount of snow each year. This I somewhat missed last year, but the more colder that it gets and the more thoughts of "snow days" for school that come, I realize more and more how much I miss NZ.

That's beside the point...this story may leave you pondering, "hmm...what do I intake in a day?"

I barely passed my car inspection because of my tires. They basically had zero tred left on them...and me being so cheap, I put off getting them...until last week. With snow falling beautifully, it lands on the road and makes it so slippery! When I fishtailed last week, I decided it was time to just deal, shell out the money, and get some safety tires on my car.

This garage doesn't take appointments...it's a first come, first serve business. I arrive around 10am, left my cell at home, left my knitting at home, AND left my book at home. I had nothing, so I was just praying that it wouldn't take too long to put four new tires on my red bullet.

I walk in, check in, ask how long it will be... "Oh, about two hours." Great. Neat. Just what I wanted to do on my Friday. I reluctantly said "okay, I'll just wait" and walked to the "waiting room" which had six chairs, and automotive magazines...how did they know I love those?!

I sit down, look at the lady across from me who was all bundled up and had a crotchity look on her face...she was clearly not impressed with her waiting time. I picked up an Antique magazine, read a week old newspaper (so hopefully nothing changed), and read the winter events for Aroostook County in a little pamphlet.

I saw man after man come in, grab coffee, wait in line, leave, come back and do the same thing over again. The lady across from me was clearly getting hungry because she grabbed a quarter from her pocket and placed it into one of the most disgusting things ever... a candy dispenser machine.

The choice was either peanut m & m's or cashews. There were barely any left in either container and the stains inside each dispenser were enough to make my stomach churn like butter. It got me wondering....how many people touch those EVERY day...and how OLD are the "select items" in each one.

"Miracles" according to Reader's Digest...

I was reading this the other day and found these to be too interesting not to share...It's taken from this Christmas edition of Reader's Digest.

Some readers share the miracles in their own lives...

"The sunrise my father and I watched standing at the top of one of the Smoky Mountains."
"Our son fell 40 feet off his barn roof onto cement and didn't break any bones."
"All the factors that came together to help me find the daughter I had given up for adoption."

"A bumblebee flying."

"My husband getting out of the Pentagon on 9/11."
"During a serious kidney stone attack at age 37, I went into a coma and saw a light at the end of the tunnel. I regained consciousness and lived. I am now 88 years old."
"Some would say that my actually getting married was a miracle." (burn)

"The days are filled with miracles: a flower blooming, my heart beating, the purr of a cat, the Internet." (interesting progression there)

"I feel that someone turning his life around for the better is a miracle."

"Love for the unlovable."

"Forgiveness."

"Being able to have enough income to share with others less fortunate."

"Hearts changed."

Amen.

OK for no SK...

Approximately four weeks from now, I was meant to be leaving to teach English in Suwon, South Korea. However, with the help of following God's leading, listening to my heart, and trying to better myself before I can give 100%...I am post-poning South Korea for a few months...

My intentions for going were not pure...and though I write that with remorse, I'm thankful that I've noticed that in myself...and I am trying to correct that before I venture off overseas again. I don't want to go somewhere if God isn't at the forefront of it all...and at this time, He wasn't with me going to South Korea. I was going for different reasons...which weren't necessarily Godly.

I don't say that to receive praise or to raise a fuss, but I wanted people who read this, to be let in on things that others may not hear about for a while. My family is being really supportive and I believe this is where God wants me for now...to straighten my heart out with why I really want to go...

I am still substitute teaching, working at an after school program, and volunteering at two youth groups...and I love doing all of these things. I was working at the after school program today and had a nice little chat with a fourth grader named "Bella." I asked her if she knew and Edwards...and she just laughed at me...and then we played with glitter. I'm having fun blessing these kids and seeing them laugh.

God has a plan and I'm thankful that I don't need to know what He has for me in the future...as long as I'm living for Him in the now...and that's A-OK with me.

are we there yet?

I wouldn't say that I'm the type of person who thrives on making decisions...in fact, when I go into the movie rental store, it can take me forever to make a decision as to what I'd like to watch...and to avoid making just one decision, I'll walk out of there with several choices. Another example, I have three shirts that are the exact same, just different colors...I couldn't decide on just one color...so I took three...ridiculous.

I hate decisions...and those examples are minor...obviously, so one can only imagine what goes through my head when I have to make a life decision...it doesn't come easy, that's for sure. I generally go back and forth about what I'm going to do and whether it's right for me, if it's where God wants me to go/do, how will I bless others through it...could I be used more effectively elsewhere?

Another question that comes into my mind often is, "Am I running from something? Am I running away?"

I've been doing a TON of thinking/crying/praying/pondering the past week or so about the next thing in my life. If I've made the decision that God wanted me to make or if I've avoided what God wants me to do because I'm being selfish. I'm so confused on this one...

I guess for once in my life...I feel really scared...taking a leap of faith...or staying where I know that I'm being effective. I realize that stepping into the unknown is always frightening,but should I really be this torn up about something...or is this God saying "Welp,maybe this isn't right...maybe not that it isn't 'right,' but maybe more like it's just not 'right now'"

Anytime that I was sick, my parents would give me a coloring book and crayons to help cheer me up...I had a hard time making a decision as to what color I would use on Ariel's tail or Belle's ballgown...and here I am...twenty years later, just wishing I could have that crayon and color in what's next for me.

Maybe this is just a rough patch of doubt...or maybe it's God. How does one know for sure...

Decisions come and decisions go...for now, I don't know which is the right one for God and my relationship...and where I'll be more effective...and where I'll be able to give more for His Name...I don't want to be selfish at all.

Gah.

L.O.V.E.

I recently googled the word "love" and it came up with 240,000,000 results in .15 seconds. How come it's so easy to find online, but not so easy to find in real life? It's so easy for us to love things that last a minute, while we have a harder time loving people who could last a lifetime.

I find myself struggling with the same thing at times, but lately I've been putting my heart in check with just how I am to love...and better yet,how I am supposed to show that love to others. Love can come in many forms...for some it's a hug, while for others it's in a smile. Some it's at first sight, while others never find it.

How dare I ever take this forgranted...how dare I ever think that I have it so rough...how dare I become complacent about my life...the life that so many people have impacted...and that impact comes from them loving me...and me letting them love me. If someone is a good friend of mine,then they easily get a piece of my heart.

I can remember the first time that my heart was broken. I never thought that it would get repaired...but I learned a hard lesson...which seems easy,but it wasn't at the time...If I'm looking to man for love, then I'll be searching my whole life for a love that is meaningless,but if I turn to God...which is the ultimate love...then I will have it not just for a moment,but for the maximum time...which is eternity.

Something that has boggled my mind and probably always will, is how parents cannot find it in them to love their children. I,thankfully, do not deal with this. I have two loving parents who have always provided for me, encouraged me, and voiced how proud they are of me with my life decisions and my character. They helped to shape who I am...and it kills me that others aren't as fortunate as me. Why was I dealt such a card while others receive the "joker" because they don't have loving parents.

One of my best friends doesn't receive the kind of love that he deserves...the kind of love that he needs from a parent...from his dad...from his mom. I see this very clearly...and it breaks my heart. Someone that I care so much about...and he isn't treated nearly as well as he should be. It makes me angry...makes me clean (because I clean when I'm really mad)...and makes me pray harder than I've ever prayed.

I'm praying for God to intervene in his life in a huge way...to put people in his path that will love him unconditionally. That God will take off the blindfolds that have been placed over my friend's mother's eyes so that she can see the true gift that her son is, not only to her,but to any person that he comes in contact with.

Will you please join me in this prayer...and for those who don't have loving parents. We were born to love. Christ loved. God loved us enough to send His Son...so why, can't we in return love our "sons?"

Post Your Secret...

Have you ever had a secret? You wanted to tell someone...but you were so scared of what they would say or think...but you had to get it out? Frank Warren decided to give people that outlet that they were craving by inventing "Post Secret" where that's literally what you do. You write your secret on a postcard and mail it in anonymously to PostSecret, where it could end up in one of their many books, or on their blog that they update each week.

The simple concept of the project was that completely anonymous people decorate a postcard and portray a secret that they had never previously revealed. No restrictions are made on the content of the secret; only that it must be completely truthful and must never have been spoken before.

I started reading the blog two years ago, and I've read through two of their books. They have had over 2,500 postcards sent in to them. I don't know what it is, but seeing what people struggle with and the semi freedom that they must feel when they post their secret and in a sense "let it out" gives me courage as well as insight. It impresses on me the need for love in our world...and for forgiveness...and the importance of being honest with each other. It also fills me in on what type of things people struggle with...and we may never ever know that they do...It honestly breaks my heart.

We each have a secret...one that we deal with...maybe it's bigger than some, or maybe we haven't let things go that we dealt with years ago. It may be one that has never been spoken. The Bible says to confess our sins to one another...and perhaps we could put our secrets on the back of a postcard that we've decorated and send it in...so that when other people read it, it can encourage them...or break their hearts...

Some of the things that people write...wow.

http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/

Some of the images can be graphic...

Jesus calls us to love people...despite what they have/have not done...so read some of these secrets...and go out and love people because you never know what they're going through.

Clean Machine..

I know that this will seem really geeky...but I love cleaning. There's something about starting with something that's dirty...and organizing it, putting it back in place, and just making it look clean.

My family is expecting company from this Sunday for about a week and a half and because both of my parents work full time and then some, I decided that I would take it upon myself to clean my house.

I started this morning around 9:30 and I have now, at 5:30 pm, just finished. I have done about five loads of wash, stripped two beds, made those beds again, vacuumed both floors, cleaned two toilets, three sinks, two showers, dusted anything and everything I could, watered the plants, and put clothes away.

There's something so satisfying about having a clean house. You know that there's nothing left to do. You can be stress free for a bit...and just lay back and smell the scent of the candles lit in each room. Ah...good to be home...in a clean home...

Update on All Night...

The all-nighter that we held on Friday night went SO well. We had about 60 teens from around the area that came. Some were from two youth groups that I volunteer at, while the others, I honestly didn't know! What a blessing!

Four of my friends from college came to be the band and one of them was the speaker as well. We played gross games...which were absolutely disgusting. I learned everything that I know from my youth pastor, Dave Rowe. Seriously...so sick. We did a "Bobbing For..." series...where we had apples in spaghetti, toilet paper in apple juice, spam in spaghetti, tootsie rolls in oatmeal and maple syrup, and gummi worms in jello/water.

We did other gross games as well, had great fellowship time over tons of food that was donated by my church family. We gave out giftcards that were donated by my community. We played not murder in the dark, but "Martyr in the dark." Mike brought the Word...and he did just that...SO good. It got the kids thinking and definitely got me praying and thinking as well.

We watched "Hook" which brought back awesome memories. I really got to know these teens. They had a blast and we're still hearing about it now! Some of them said that it was the most fun that they've ever had which was really encouraging!

It was well worth being sleep deprived.

Later on Halloween, I dressed up as a taco and volunteered at the Wesleyan church's "Trunk or Treat" that they hold annually. About 260 kids came through as well as their parents. I think the costume for the year was spiderman as well as a princess of some sort (typical).

All in all...great weekend. Tiring weekend. Totally worth it.

The Legend of Ms. Sour

The joys of substitute teaching...

Though I woke up today exhausted, I was stoked because I would be subbing in the Kindergarten class. They are currently at music class as I type this. I walked into the classroom and there's a giant blue rug on the floor with the alphabet on it. Oh yes, it was "THE RUG." The rug where magic happens...where they learn the alphabet, the calendar, and pledge allegiance and then sing a song about the flag that I had never heard before. It was the rug where stories were told and kids giggled. Good times.

I'm amazed at how kids speak. Granted that they are roughly 5-6 years old, I love how they can't pronounce their r's, s's, and have trouble with t's as well...which means that I am "Ms. Sour" yet again. I don't mind that though. I can remember being in kindergarten and having nap time, looking at pictures in books, and attempting to read, when really I was just making up stories...being the creative genius that I am...not really.

It's fun to watch them draw pictures, hear about what they're going to dress up as for halloween one will be a unicorn..my fav), listen to them sound out words, and the laughter. I was thinking about when I get to South Korea, I could be teaching a kindergarten class. Though that scares me because you're responsible for firstly introducing them to the language, seeing this little ones makes me really excited to get over there and work with this age group. I think that it's going to be priceless!

Prayer Requests.

Hey readers,
I'm in need of some pray for specific things. If you can be lifting these up in the next few days,that would be huge.

*Youth all-nighter/lock-in that I've been planning for a month now. Starts this Friday, Oct 30th at 9pm and goes until the 31st at 6am. We have a guest speaker, live band, friends,fellowship,and fun.It's a huge outreach event to my town and we've advertised quite a bit. Please pray that teens will show up and fully grasp the love of Christ through fun times as well as my friend Mike Chapman who is speaking.

*South Korea prep-I've had a lull in my "wanting to learn Korean" and that needs to change. Please pray that I'll get more motivation and will be successful in learning this really interesting language. Also, my immigration papers are going to the school and the country at the beginning of November. Please pray that it's smooth sailing. Also, pray that when I do get my visa, that I don't have to go to Boston,but that I can have a phone interview, and that I'll be able to fly out of Bangor, ME rather than go to Boston. That is actually a big deal.

*Time at home- Please pray that my time at home will bring blessing and hope to people in the area. I've loved being able to get involved with two different youth groups, substitute teach, and work at the after school program with children who really need to have some fun, consistency, and some love. Please pray that I'm making a mark.

Thanks so much. Blessings to you all.

Manic Monday...

I was going to write this yesterday,but based on my day...there was no way that I was going near this thing.

6:40 am: Mom came into my room, woke me up and asked if I wanted to sub. Me-facedown into my pillow-uggghhhhghghgdfdkjl okay.
7:25 am: Burner catches on fire due to me not being fully awake. Good story actually...ask me about it and I'll tell you.
7:45 am: Meet some of my students for the day.
11:30 am: 7 out of 20 students have to stay in for recess because of being disrespectful to me...trust me,I gave them plenty of warnings.
12:45 pm: I send a student down to the principal's office because of lying and sneeking items.
2:30 pm: Couldn't have come fast enough.
3:00 pm: My supposed doctor's appointment.
4:15 pm: Actually seen by doctor.
4:20 pm: Done consult.
4:25 pm: Receive shot.
4:35 pm: Pick up new card(see burner story) and shish kebab skewers.
5:00 pm: Marinade meat.
5:30 pm: Cut finger while cutting up veggies for the kebabs.
6:00 pm: Marinade sauce enters open cut...um,yeah..that killed.
9:00 pm: Realized that the hat that I've been knitting, well I messed it up and have to see a knitter professional to fix it.
11:30 pm: Finally bed.

It's amazing how after I had such a good day on Sunday (see latest blog post), that I have the worst Monday ever. Crazy how that works, eh?
Enjoy my life.

God of Justice

Church. was. awesome. today.

I was dreading waking up early to get to church for 7:40. When I heard the buzzing of my phone at 6:30, I pulled down the blinds just enough to see nothing...that's right...it was still reallllly dark outside. The true signs of winter approaching. I got ready and though I was dreading being at church so early(because I love sleep,not because I don't like Jesus) and what do you know...I was there ten minutes early. Awesome. Go me.

We ran through the songs and soon it was time for service. I hadn't realized that we were having guest speakers today. "Ugh" I thought. "I really needed to hear a sermon today." What kind of an attitude was that? The service went on and soon, the guest speakers were playing a short video...about a rehab center that they started in New Hampshire (about five hours away). "Great. How does this pertain to me at all?"

Here I was so focused on the rehab or "habilitation" as they called it and God clearly had something else in mind. Last night, I was stressing about South Korea and saying good-bye and moving on...and this month at my church is a month focused on missions. Each church should be missional, as well as each person. I, myself, have done/will continue to do missions. "Okay,so what's the point? I've done this already."

I wasn't listening...until the guy said, "People just have to be willing." Ding,ding,ding.

Later on, I was listening to my friends new album and the song "God of Justice" by Tim Hughes came on. I had never heard it before, but here are the lyrics. Coincidence? I don't think so.

God of Justice, Saviour to all

Came to rescue the weak and the poor

Chose to serve and not be served

Jesus, You have called us

Freely we've received

Now freely we will give

We must go live to feed the hungry

Stand beside the broken

We must go

Stepping forward keep us from just singing

Move us into action

We must go

To act justly everyday

Loving mercy in everyway

Walking humbly before You God

You have shown us, what You require

Freely we've received

Now freely we will give

Fill us up and send us out

Fill us up and send us out

Fill us up and send us out Lord

thanks for the check mr. reality...

I was sitting in front of the tv, watching a reality show (don't mock me) and then,reality hit me. I'm not saying that it was because of a girl named Heidi crying on the tv, but then the girl Heidi (me) sitting in the chair, started to cry. I quickly grabbed my laptop and came up to my room so as to not have my mom see me. It's not that I mind crying in front of her,I just didn't know what I would say when she asked what was wrong.

When I got up to my room, I looked at my calendar...9 weeks. Just nine weeks until I would leave for South Korea...for a year...at least. Oh my goodness. Mental. Usually when I talk about it, I'm really excited, but I started to cry this time. "Oh my goodness" and "what am I doing" were the thoughts going through my head. "This is insane" and "This is selfish" soon came flooding my thoughts.

Tears streamed down my face as I thought about the last time I saw my gram. I was coming back from my road trip with my best friend Andy, and I stayed at her house for a night. She spoke about how lonely she is now that gramps is gone (4 years ago) and my heart broke for her.
I thought about the last time I saw my sister and brother in law...I was in Indiana in August-September visiting them as they got settled in more and more. I remember saying goodbye to them as they headed to the airport to fly to England(for the weekend...mental) for a wedding.

I didn't want it to end like that. I don't want 9 weeks to go by fast at all. I'm loving being home and investing in the teens in my town, planning a youth all nighter for this weekend, and substitute teaching kids who say "Oh my goodness I have to fart so bad" and who can't pronounce my name correctly so it comes out "Ms. Sour" instead of Ms. Sattler.

I'm not ready to leave. I'm not ready to say good-bye. Now I know that some of you are saying, "Heid, you have 9 more weeks." The scary thought is how fast those will go by and then it's on to my next adventure, which don't get me wrong, I AM excited for, it's just really overwhelming...and it hit again tonight. I know that it's where God wants me for this time in my life and I know that a year will fly by and before you know it I will be talking about my family flying over to see me and/or signing on for another year at a school over there.

The check of reality came tonight...most definitely. I'm comfortable being home...and though that's awesome and I'm thankful for it, it also kind of scares me...I don't want to settle yet...I want to live life as it comes and long for the next adventure...

So please pray for me and I'll pray for you.

Motivation

I was sitting in math class today when I wrote this.

I'm sitting in math class. Grade 7. We're learning about the standard units of measurement. Riveting. It's 11:17am. Only twenty-three more minutes left in this class. Then onto recess duty for ten minutes. It's quite cold outside, so a winter coat is frighteningly necessary. I'm not going to lie, I love going down the hall and having the kids say, "Who's that?" or "Yay! She's here!" I know, it sounds dorky,but it's nice when kids are actually excited to have me as a substitute.

I've just been sitting in math class after math class. I can't help but scan the classroom and see the looks on the kids faces. They're clearly bored. Perhaps it's because of the monotone teacher. I wonder if I had the same look on my face when I was in grade 7 math class...probably did.

Right now they can't see beyond this. The kids goof off and talk about how they can't wait until they're old enough to drop out of school because they don't see it as "important." They're willing to settle for the life that they've been taught, not to dream, soar, or be passionate about the future. They are willing to settle for mediocre.

Looking around at the posters and "decorations" gets the wheels in my head turning about how I can make my classroom awesome in South Korea. I want kids to be able to focus, but to also feel that learning actually is fun. I want them to have passion and to take that passion out of the classroom. And definitely...under no circumstance...will I allow them to settle for mediocre.

Blast from the Past

I've been working at this school in Maine who has this "No Bullying" policy. I look at the signs that they have up and the kids making posters for it and it makes me think back to how I used to get made fun of SO much when I was growing up.

Over the past couple of weeks, I've come into contact with those people who used to bully me in jr high and high school. First, when I worked on the potato harvester(yes, I did that) and then in stores, gas stations...I've come into contact with three people who used to bully me...and I wonder what kind of people they have become today. Do they still do that? Are they getting picked on? Do they even remember me? The first one, on the harvester, didn't even remember that he used to bully me into finishing his english homework...wow. Don't judge me... I didn't want to get beat up.

Seeing them got me thinking about how I've changed even since high school. It's amazing how much less you have in common with people after you haven't seen them for five years. Mental. This summer, I was able to see Tash and Evy that I met while in New Zealand. It was great to see them, but Tash said something to me that still has me thinking every single day. She said to me after being around me for about forty-five minutes, "You're not the same as you were in New Zealand."

I know that she didn't mean to offend at all, but all I could think was "Ouch!" How had I let that happen? How had I let the person who I had become, get pushed to the backburner...what had I done to allow that to happen? Does that happen when you adapt back into your own culture...your comfort zone? Was I always like that, or just around people that I hadn't seen in a while...because people at camp thought that I was random, spontaneous, and ridiculous...so what has me holding a part of me back?

I dare you to ask yourself the same question...What has you holding a part of yourself back...

Red Light::Green Light

Have you ever sat at a red light and let your thoughts consume you? You're just sitting, waiting, and waiting...for that light to change green so that you can go to your next destination. You can't be bothered to stop your life for a few seconds and to relax and think. There I found myself, staring at the paved road ahead of me just waiting to get the green light to go. It was a paved road, but had some potholes and some cracks in it, along with some puddles. I like to think that's how my road(life) will be...it won't be all smooth and freshly painted, but it's in those cracks, puddles, and potholes, that I see what has been designed for me.

I sat, consumed. I've been home for two weeks. Just signed a year contract with a school in Suwon, South Korea. I miss my best friend, Andy. I just said good-bye to my English friend Fiona who I knew that I would see again sometime, but I wasn't sure as to when I would see her.

Red lights...they make us stop...they make me think. Granted usually when I'm at a red light I'm rushing trying to get to my destination or I'm annoyed that this light is lasting forever, but tonight, at 11:15, I sat alone at that red light and for a second, I didn't want it to turn green. I didn't want to go to my next destination. I was letting my thoughts surround me. Memories, adventures, blessings, friends, and my next adventure that I will embark on.

I know that the law enforces these red lights, but I like to think that they not only pause our car, or put it on hold, but they pause our lives and help us to, if we will, think about things...they help to put things in perspective.Sure, it sounds cheesy,but that's what I thought tonight...they really do serve a purpose.

Excursions...

We're into our fourth week of camp: Music camp. That's right...band camp.I'm not ashamed to admit that I have attended band camp willingly before and now I find myself teaching theory, helping with chorus, and teaching piano. That's right...the girl who's never taken a piano lesson is teaching piano...pretty mental,but my students really like me :)

Pre-camp was a great time to reconnect with people from last summer and then the staff arrived at the first of June. It was crazy to see people after having not seen them for a year!

I have been one of the two speakers for the camp and I must say that I absolutely love my job. To dance and sing with the kids, lead worship, and speak on top of that...what a blessing. I find myself giving thanks to God each day for reminding me that I am His servant and that He has plans for me that far outweigh the plans that I can make for myself.

I am finding myself getting close with the counselors and support staff. What a great bunch! Honestly! I'm heading to Maryland with a group of 20 people for a four day break from camp. I'm sure that we'll have a blast and get to know each other even better than we currently do!

This past break, the entire staff went on a seven mile hike to see about twenty-two waterfalls. This is the crew that decided to make a pact to stay at the front of the group. We may have gotten separated a bit, but me, Rachel and Emma (to the left of me) stayed together and made it in record timing. What a sight and what a great way to be reminded of God's creativity and the beauty that He's made for us to enjoy!

Camp is great. People are great. Adjusting to being back in the States is getting better each day, with the prayers and support of my friends not only far away, but my best friends who are at camp with me this summer.

Remember...be blessed and be a blessing.

Suitcases

First of all...Happy 21st Birthday to David Freakin Bosma!

After spending three weeks at my sister's in New York, I made my way down to a small town in northeast Pennsylvania called Waymart. This would be home for the next three months. This had been my home for the past two summers.

Life at camp is generally filled with children laughing, screaming, and jumping in the pool. Then we have the counselors who are at their wits end trying to figure out what to do with ten inner city kids that won't listen to them and can't understand their "funny" accents. The program staff work hard figuring out how to teach kids about the Bible, how to boat, how to climb ropes, how to build a campfire, and how to swim. After long days, it doesn't take long to fall asleep once the head touches the pillow.

What people don't see are the things that go on before camp even starts. Before all of the staff get there. The hard work that happens in order to have camp happen. I, fortunately, get to see that. I join in with about eleven other people as we clean, cook, scrub, laugh, cry, drive the mule, huge van, and live under the same roof. Needless to say, it gets pretty intense.

The others who have been here for three weeks say that I'm crazy for not sleeping in and doing nothing (as I'm not getting paid to work), but I say, "You'd be foolish to want me to do that. You'd have more work to do." So, I join in.

I've been doing a lot of learning about different personality types and how they work and don't work well with each other. It truly has been a blessing to be a part of this team of workers as we get ready for the rest of the staff to come. I've been fortunate enough to have talks with a few of them.

I'm finding it difficult to have the desire to be around people and have to "try" with relationships, but I'm trying to ease my way into it before the rest of the staff get here this coming week. Because people don't understand what my mind and heart are going through, I feel as though I am misunderstood and I'm not sure how to talk about what I'm feeling.

Be blessed and be a blessing.

Personality

Over the past few days I have been thinking about what I used to be like about five to six years ago. Looking back, as hindsight would be 20/20, I realize what a jerk I was to people sometimes. I used to be overly sarcastic to the point that it would destroy my friendships with people. A few people would call me out on it, but I just brushed it off with a "I don't care" type of attitude. However, looking back, I wish that I had listened...instead, it took me years to realize the damage that I had done with family, friends, and even strangers. First impressions are huge...and goodness knows that I need/want to make a good one.

Besides making a good first impression, I got to thinking about my personality. When I'm around certain personalities now, I think a ton...because I realize "Oh, I used to be like that." And then I hear it echo in my head.."OH, I used to be like that...really?" I'm finding more and more that I want a personality that not only stays true to myself, but lifts people up, and doesn't jeapordize the relationship that I have with them. I want to have a personality that inspires people...challenges people...makes people laugh...encourages people...and builds good relationships.

Personality is a huge part of who we are...
When I looked up the word "personality" in the dictionary...these are some of the definitions that I found.

1. the visible aspect of one's character as it impresses others
2. a person as an embodiment of a collection of qualities
3. the quality of being a person
4. the essential character of a person

With personality being "the essential character of a person," I want to make sure that mine helps and does not hurt people. I want to be known for having a dynamite personality! It's meant to "impress" others...not cause people to spiral into a depression...so is your personality worth being around?

New York,New York

I've been in New York for a week now, and there have been a few celebrations! I was able to be here for my sister's birthday last week and my brother in law's graduation from seminary as well! It has been such a great time to share with them.

Over the weekend, Evan's family and my parents came down for the graduation festivities. It was really great to see everyone again, although it was a bit overwhelming.

I have thoroughly enjoyed spending time with Robin and Evan because any other time that I have shared with them, there has been some sort of agenda for the visit (ie: graduation, Christmas, Thanksgiving). Not that it was a bad time, but we didn't have time to just be with each other and enjoy one another's company, so I guess that we're making up for lost time...and it's been so good!

I am realizing more and more that this whole "culture shock" thing is going to take more than a month at home to kind of deal with. This past weekend, when other people were around that I didn't know...I closed up...I hid in the kitchen doing dishes (which I've been doing much of) and didn't feel like being social.

For anyone that knows me, they know that this is incredibly odd. I guess that I'm just not ready to have to try to have relationships...if that makes any sense. It's tough...to come back, be around family that you know really well, and then have strangers come into the mix. It's almost as though you don't know how to respond...do you make an effort or do you let them just enjoy their time with others?

For me,I hid...It's weird to not want to try to make friends...I thrive on that...and now I fear it...go figure.

However, despite the weird days,there are oodles of good ones. I have loved spending time with these two and the laughs and the memories that have been made will stay with me for a long time. Be encouraged!

Since I've Been Gone...

Well,I've been home for a little over a month now. Pretty crazy that the time has gone by that quickly. I feel like I just stepped off the plane yesterday...not a month ago!

Since I've been home, I've really enjoyed spending time just relaxing and hanging out with my family. A couple of weeks ago I had my college graduation. My sister, brother in law, and grandmother all came up for the weekend festivities. It was so good to spend time with them. It was also fantastic to visit with friends that I hadn't seen for a year. It's amazing to me how we can pick up right where we left off. That gives me such hope for the future in my ministries and as I travel around.

Speaking of traveling around...I'm leaving this coming week for New York to hang out with my sister and her husband before his seminary graduation. More fun times will be had! Then,I'll be heading to Pennsylvania where I will serve as Christian Education for the second summer in a row! I am so stoked!

I had my phone interview for South Korea last night and it went really well. I now have a list of all of the requirements and the guy that I spoke to was very informative. I feel such a huge sense of peace about this entire process. As soon as I got off the phone, I went upstairs to see my dad and I just said, "Dad, I am so excited!" So please continue to pray for me about that next adventure.

I'm still trying to unpack everything from New Zealand. This is such a long process. I have enjoyed slowly starting to be around people and share my experiences with people. It's crazy...I've never been the anti-social type, but that is exactly what I've been like for the past month. When I'm around people, I do fine...I'm not awkward, or at least no more than usual, but I'm perfectly content being in my home and not venturing out. I'm not depressed or anything like that...it's just a huge change that I'm still trying to get used to. So please continue to pray for me. Ask me questions about New Zealand because I'd love to share!

Remember to be blessed and be a blessing to someone.

Letting Me Go as Opposed to Needing Me to Go

I started some debriefing with my senior pastor this week. I am a total dork. I was going through my head the possible questions that he could ask me and trying to "prep" myself for what was to come in the next little while. That little while turned out to be over an hour and a half! I was so blessed!

We sat and talked for quite a while...I told him some of the key things that I had learned over there and he shared with me some of the things that he learned while being on his sabbatical from January-March. I was so blessed to have him and his family come to Auckland while I was there. They didn't expect me to meet them at the airport, but I woke up at 4:30am (how I remember that...ugh) and drove to the airport all by myself for the first time. I kept waiting for them to come through the sliding doors, but others came through...so I waited and waited some more. I was so excited!

As soon as I sat down, here they came...looking excited as ever. I can remember Mel, Mackenzie, and Madeline walking by me without realizing that I was right there,but Randall said, "It's the Heidster!" That has been his nickname for me for years! He made the four of us get in a photo, reluctantly, and then we carried on. I never knew the impact that had on him...until debriefing.

He shared with me how God lets us be a part of what He's doing...He doesn't need us to do it. He loves how we love to go somewhere and do work for the Kingdom, but He doesn't actually need us to do it. Crazy thought that I'm still trying to process. That along with how we are to die to ourselves every day so that we can live more fully for Christ. I'm starting to dig into the book of Acts and really put myself in the passages that I am reading.

One of the last things that Randall said was that he and Mel (his wife) had done ministry in New Zealand quite a while ago...so they were the missionaries there, who would be greeting people who came to visit or such. By me coming to the airport to welcome his family, he was incredibly blessed. I guess we never know what type of impact we can actually have on people. I didn't think that I would have had that kind of an impact...I was just picking them up from the airport!

It got me thinking...The Burns family have poured into me since I was in junior high. They have been a part of me becoming the woman of God that I have. So by them seeing me in New Zealand as a missionary, they were blessed because God let them be a part of ministering to me and now I was out ministering to others. What a blessing!

So, pour into people...because you never know what may happen.
I'm blessed.

The Snow is Melting...The Rain is Falling...

Yay for snow and yay for snow melting :) I've been home for nearly a week now and there is a lot less snow then when I first arrived. Hey,I'm not complaining! To the left is a picture of my house. It felt so weird to walk into a house that had an attic and a basement, as most homes in NZ do not have those!
It feels so nice to be able to sleep in...seeing as I'm trying to get into the time zone...I find myself going to sleep between 3-4 am and waking up in the early afternoon. Don't worry people, I will be social again hopefully soon.

It's so weird. I thought that when I came back I would be keen to spend time with as many people as possible, but it's been the total opposite. I ventured out on Saturday to the Maine State Jazz Festival and saw a ton of people there that I knew, but I was really out of it as I'm still exhausted. I also saw my friend's band play on Saturday night...and again, I left early...because I'm tired and just finding it very overwhelming to be around a group of people.

I'm hoping that I get out of this funk sometime soon. On a brighter note...I am officially done all of my internship work. I finished the reflection paper on Sunday and I did my portfolio of all that I've done, yesterday....and let's just say that the binder is enormous and weighs a ton. I'll be driving down to Bethany tomorrow with a couple of friends to drop all of that off. Woohoo!

Graduation is two and a half weeks away. Someone asked me today how I feel about that and honestly, I'm so pumped for it. I just want to get my degree and be done with school for a little while. It still boggles my mind that I'm graduating though because I'm not at school, but I'm guessing that when I go up to visit tomorrow, that I'll become more aware of the fact that my friends and I are all graduating soon....weird.

Be blessed and be a blessing!

P.S. Plans for South Korea are starting to form :)

Back to Maine...Back to Reality.

The clock says 2 am and I'm still awake.

I'm back in Maine now. My last flight got in this morning at 8:45 and I was relieved to see my parents there...I must admit that it felt really weird to see them because it had been so long. The next thing I was worried about were my bags because they had to change my terminals...but thankfully they were there.

Traveling by myself this time was quite brutal. I left Auckland after saying goodbye to 22 amazing friends that have become part of my family. It has been the hardest thing for me to be away from them. It just doesn't feel right. I keep expecting my cell phone to vibrate and to get a text message or have one of my teens run up to me and try to bruise me. It's just different.

Once I got home, I sat in the green chair in our living room and just sobbed. It's back to reality...I'm not in New Zealand anymore. I'm not surrounded by a diverse culture. I'm not looking at palm trees and hearing the ocean...instead I'm looking at snow and having my dog Coal lick my pants. People didn't prepare me for this. I am glad to be home, but it's so hard when my heart is somewhere else...I don't feel complete. I don't feel like being social. I feel so tired in every possible way,but my mind won't let me rest.

My parents said that if there were any possible way that they could have let me stay there, they would have because they knew how difficult this was going to be for me. I'm so thankful that they are being understanding. It's frustrating for them too because they don't know how to react and what to do for me to help. I did e-mail my pastor about doing debriefing with him,so hopefully we'll start that soon.

My heart hurts. I'm a world away from my boys that I love and miss so much. This is going to take some getting used to. This is going to take some time. I know that this will make me stronger and God has a reason for me experiencing these emotions at this time. Please keep me in your prayers as I adjust to being home...

To those of you in NZ, I miss you greatly.

Be blessed and be a blessing...even when you don't think you can be.

Heidi

The time has come to say good bye...

I look to the left of me, and there sit my two bags...one red hiker bag and one green suitcase. It's Christmas. Not quite, but you get the idea. I honestly didn't think that I would be able to get it all in,or that I would have to sit on my suitcase to get it shut, but thankfully it's all good...I'm just praying that it isn't overweight,otherwise I'm in trouble.

I have never felt more blessed than I have the past two days. I have had numerous people call,text,and swing by all to say "hi and bye" and to check to see if I am okay. As hard as last night was for me, I felt so loved to look in the Mackay's living room and see my two old flatmates Michelle and Jess, Rachel, Brent, James, Rick, Sam, Evy, Rod, Jan, Phil, and had people come in while we were there with each other. As I looked at each person's face, I found myself trying to memorize it so that I would never forget it.

I am such a leaky faucet. I honestly don't understand how I have anymore tears left. It's totally bizarre. Where do they come from?!I think I'll become dehydrated or something...eeks! So, here ya go...

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go.

I'm standing here outside your door.

I hate to wake you up to say good-bye.

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn

The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn

Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me

Tell me that you'll wait for me

Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane

I don't know when I'll be back again

Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'll be Stateside soon and I'm excited to see people...and NZ just you wait for the return of Heidi Genevieve Sattler.

Ouch,This Hurts...

I leave in two sleeps. I have two days left here. Where did the time go? How did it get so late so soon? For the past week, I've been having a really tough time with saying good-bye to people or even trying to talk to them about "what's next" for me. They always ask me "Are you coming back?" and honestly...I sure hope so.I really don't feel as though God is done with my time here...He is for this present moment, but there is SUCH a great need here for Christians and pastors...and I'm game to step up and step in as soon as I can again.

I would ask that you would please keep me in your prayers over the next week or two as I not only leave New Zealand, but try to adapt to my home culture again...that's going to be an adjustment. Just to be sure I get this out...I am looking forward to seeing people...don't get me wrong, it's just tough when your heart wants to be somewhere else and you are where you are...a world away.

I don't understand how the whole time thing works. I was sharing with someone that it seems that until the "half way" point comes, time goes so slowly, but as soon as you hit the half way mark, everything goes by so fast. Why is it that something you want to last for a long time...just seems to pass you by more quickly.

I may or may not have been crying on the phone with my friend the other day and I said something like, "I'm not cut out for this" and he said "Heidi, this is proof that you are." I let that sink in for a while...

I can't even begin to explain how the experience has changed me. I have become more dependent on God and realize how much work there is still left for me to do...for God to do in and through me and I'm excited for the ride that I'm on.

I had my last Sunday at Shore Grace today. I, of course, had the water works turn on during one of the songs and then Pastor Mike pulled me up front to pray for me. He turns to me, as I wipe tears off of my tear stained face, and he said, "Do you want to say anything?" Well, yeah..there's a whole lot that I want to say,but can I physically get it out.

I stood there with the microphone in front of my face and I struggled to get a word out as I gasped for air in between tears. I couldn't help but look at "my boys" (my core teenagers-5 of 8 teenage guys that were there). Anytime I looked at them, I cried...Just as I was getting ready to share, here come my five boys to stand by me and to support me. That's why I was here...

I'm not done here.

I've Lived in Six Places...

It's pretty crazy that my time here is nearly done.I try to escape the fact that I'm leaving soon, but I just can't. People keep telling me "You have so much time left," but I really don't and I have to prepare myself to head home in 11 days...that's mental. Since I've been here, I have had numerous people come into my life and impact it in ways that are far beyond anything that I could have ever imagined.

It boggles my mind that since being here, I have lived in six different places...I've been here for 6.5 months...that's a lot of moving around and a lot of living out of my suitcase...woot woot!About a month ago, I was worried as to where I was going to live for the last 2.5 weeks that I'm here...and the Mackay's stepped in and said that they would love to have me. I LOVE this family...they are literally like a home away from home...I've never felt more welcome or loved...that's what this family has given me. I have loved living with them for the past week and I have another week and a half with them.

Rod and Jan Mackay are some of the best examples of what selfless loving is all about. They are sacrificial in a way that I haven't seen before. They have three sons. James (17), Rick (16), and Sam (13). I love these boys. I feel like their older sister and that blesses me in itself! Yesterday, we had the opportunity to go to James' first rugby match. He wears #9 (hence the picture) and yes, he has a mullet...a typical hairstyle here. Rick, Sam, and I had a little photoshoot while Jan took Sophie (their dog) for a nice little walk.

It will break my heart to leave them, but I so look forward to seeing where the boys end up and hearing about how many more people Rod and Jan get to minister to.

James #9...he gave me the nickname "Heidi Face" which I am now called...or to shorten it, they don't call me Heidi, but they call me "Face." True story.
Rick (L) and Sam (R) playing on a little playground. Rick told me that I looked too excited to see a playground...and then I got on the swing and went as high as I could..with a big grin on my face. Nice to know that some things won't ever change.

The Way Life Should Be.

Each State has a motto. Maine's motto: "The Way Life Should Be." Weird to think about. In three weeks, I'll be hopping on a plane and heading home to the great white north...also known as aroostook county. Many things are going through my head right now...I'm trying to process as much as I can...I'm trying to do as much as I can...I'm trying to stay focused and not check out, but honestly that can be quite the challenge.

I'm still having a blast over here. I love my teens. We made Bible Study t-shirts tonight...the Bible study is called "Laundromat" so my friend Evy designed the stencils and we did that tonight...put it this way...teens with spray paint...eeks! I now have perma-pink-purple hands...awesome!

I've had the opportunity to live at the Fussner house while they have been in the States and I've been able to spend tons of quality time with Emily and Evy...two of my favorite people over here. I have to say, I've loved the "family feel" that I get when I'm around them. It's like they are an extension to my family in the States...so that's awesome! I was talking with another American today about how when I see him in the States, I know that we'll pick up right where we left off because we experienced this together, so I know that there will always be that bond...if that makes any sense.

So...I'm doing well. I am definitely not looking forward to leaving, but I am looking forward to being home in the cold (okay,slight lie), and I'm ready to see my family and friends and to look on ahead to the next chapter.

It may not be "the way life should be." Instead, I like to look at it as "The way life could be."

Birthdays Birthdays...

This week my parents both had their birthdays. If I had gone home in February,then I would have been able to celebrate with them. For Mom's birthday I wanted to do something in her honor over here. So, what did I pick? Bungee jumping.

The first bungee jump actually took place in New Zealand, so when I was making a list of all the things that I wanted to do over here, bungee jumping made the list. I thought to myself, “I doubt I’ll even end up doing it, but put it on there.” Then, I became a person who wanted to do everything that she had put on that list…so I called this morning (March 1st in the States) and made the booking. My friend Evan came with me as well. Hey, at least I didn’t have to do it by myself.

As soon as I hung up the phone, I got nervous. Evy and I drove into the city to bungee jump off the harbor bridge. We were petrified, but so excited at the same time. We got all harnessed up and started to walk under the bridge to face our doom. As we were walking and I could see the water through the walkway, I started to get freaked out. I was actually going to do this…no turning back now. It reminded me of the song “I have decided to follow Jesus” except it would be “I have decided to bungee jump. No turning back. No turning back.” It pretty much fits if you sing it through in your head.

I was first up (of course) and went out to the ledge. The guy counted down from five and I leapt off the edge. I dove down and my arms went into the Pacific. How crazy was that?! I bobbed three times and then released my feet so that I was dangling from my waist harness. The view was unbelievable and I even managed to scream “happy birthday Mom!” while I was down there.

For my dad's birthday, I decided to climb an inactive volcano. I have seen Mt. Rangitoto several times since being here, it is one of many volcanoes that are around Auckland. I had it in my mind that I needed to climb it, so on Dad's birthday I took a ferry to Rangitoto and climbed up to the summit where I took the picture from above. Gorgeous!

Mark that off of my list of things to do. I’m different. I’m seizing every opportunity. I don’t want to turn back and regret time…so I’m going to make the most of it!

What's on your mind?

You know what's funny? People often ask me, "What are you going to do next?" I love how people ask me that, as if I definitely know what I'll be doing...I wish it were that simple. However, I do believe that God is leading, guiding, and directing me to do His ministry and His will wherever my feet will take me...and I must say, where it may scare others...I get so pumped about it!

I'm praying about going to South Korea in September/October to teach English for two years. People say that I'm crazy,but I look at it as another ministry field, another way to build relationships, another way to be stretched, another way to share my faith, another way to show Christ in my daily life...why wouldn't I want to go?If you would pray about this for me...that would be muchly appreciated.

I have just over a month left in New Zealand. That is absolutely mental! Time certainly has flown by, but I wouldn't have changed anything...my time here has been definitely the biggest adventure of my life, it has stretched me in so many ways that I can't even begin to count, and it's not done yet..that's the best part! I know that my ministry here isn't done...that excites me.

I came across this passage today as I was reading...and it's very common, but if you really read through it and dig into what it's saying...oh my, it's powerful. Be encouraged.

"To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy-to the only God our Saviour, be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen."

How powerful is that?! He can keep us from falling...He presents us before His presence and with joy! The "Only God"...the only one...give him glory, majesty, power, authority...and note the exclamation point at the end!

Be blessed and be a blessing.

Prune

If you're a person who likes to plant things, you may have to get out the shears and remove all the dead parts of the plant or bush. Pruning is the process of removing certain above-ground elements from a plant. This process usually includes removal of diseased, non-productive, or otherwise unwanted portions from a plant.

Random topic I know, but I was reading in John 15 yesterday and I came across the passage that talks of God being the vine and we are the branches. It says in verse 2, "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

I looked at this and thought, "God is pruning me." As a Christian, it is my aim to be fruitful and to do what the Lord has called me to do. However, sometimes things can creap in and cause us to get things that need to be pruned...things that are diseased, dead, or unwanted in our Christian faith/walk. So what does God do? He prunes us. Some people need more pruning than others and some don't even realize that pruning needs to take place, so they have let those unwanted portions get overgrown...but God comes in with his shears and prunes it away...He wants it to be fruitful and multiply.

Have you allowed God to prune you lately? Or...are you trying to do the pruning yourself? If we remain in Him, then He remains in us...so, let God do the pruning and let us be fruitful.

Reunion Adventure...

For those of you that have been faithful readers...thank you. To those of you who haven't been...you can totally catch up!Anyways...I have been really excited for the month of February to come. I met this really neat kid at camp in America. We'll call him...David Freakin Bosma. He's quite the character and we bonded at camp. Anyways...he's a kiwi and I wanted to see him when I was here.Well folks...this past Sunday I had the honor of seeing Dave again! It had been five months since we had seen each other. He's moved up to Auckland to attend Bible college and trust me, there will be more adventures with the great, the famous, David Freakin Bosma.
I'm not about to go on a lame adventure...so where did we go? We went to the coromandel peninsula...which is about 2.5-3 hours south of Auckland. Me, Brent, Evy, Michelle, and Dave hopped into the soccer mom mini van (Brent's wheels) and we headed south, but not for the winter...We spent the night on Sunday night and the next day the boys went to a hot water beach to go surfing, while Michelle and I hiked to Cathedral's Cove...where Prince Caspian was filmed. Later we went to a beach in a town that I can't pronounce so I'm not even going to try...and I really wanted to try something new...and Dave brought a skim board...so what did I do? Well, after trying a few times (more like 20), I managed to have my feet slip out from under me and I went tumbling to the ground..while Dave said, "No one falls on their first try." Yeah right...well, I succeeded at skimboarding...I wasn't great and it doesn't come naturally, but it's defs something that I want to do again. Thanks Dave.

This was the a picture taken at the cove.

This is actually where they filmed the opening scene of Prince Caspian where the kids enter into Narnia for the first time...watch the movie and you'll see.

From L to R: David Freakin Bosma, Me, Kim Gower. We all met at Camp Ladore in the summer of '08. I have been able to hang out with Kim quite a bit since being here and now that Dave is finally up in Auckland, I have no doubt that I'll be hanging out with him quite a bit.

Something crazy to think about...I was originally supposed to be flying home to the States tomorrow Feb. 18th, but I changed my flight to March 31st. How crazy is that to think about?!

Be blessed and be a blessing.

A Visit from ME to NZ

This past week...I got quite the blessing. My pastor and his family came over from the States. They had two days in Auckland, so I definitely took advantage of that time with them. I think it would be safe to say that every person that lives overseas dreams of that time where someone from their hometown that means a lot to them...comes to visit them and see who they minister to, work with, and who they have come to love. That's why having the Burns family here was such an enormous blessing.

They flew in on Tuesday morning at 6 am, so I met them at the airport (after having an energy drink) and led them to their hotel in Takapuna. Unfortunately the hotel wouldn't let them in until later that afternoon, so they went up to the Yates' house for a nap. Later, they sat with Reuben, Tom, Phil, and I and we went over the Kiwi sayings...what a hoot!

That night, I had invited quite a few people who mean tons to me...to come up for a BBQ at the Yates house to meet my pastor and his family. Talk about another blessing. These people showed up to meet my pastor, but they showed me how much they care about me. Thanks guys! After a long night of fun, fellowship, and food, the Burns headed back to their hotel only to have a few hours of sleep until our next adventure.

The next day, I met them at 8:30 am (they like early!) and we headed to the skytower. I hadn't done this yet, so I was stoked! We went up, taking tons of pictures, watching people bungee off as well, and just enjoyed the sites. We then headed to Victoria Markets, but not before we stopped off at Starbucks for a tasty treat...can't take the American out of us, that's for sure. We then headed to Parnell rose gardens because I knew that Randall would totally appreciate this aspect of New Zealand beauty...as he has a green thumb.

Later in the evening, I took them to Muriwai beach to see the gannets as well as a New Zealand sunset. It truly was such a blessing to share part of this experience with them. They now know who I've worked with, who I love, and why it will be so hard for me to leave here. What a blessing!

Why do I Doubt?

God never ceases to amaze me. I guarantee that He looks down and must get a chuckle out of the fact that we, as humans, panic. We let things of this world influence our thoughts and how our lives should be, when in reality, we should just be trusting God to take care of us because He says that He will do that. I want to thank those who have been so supportive of me over the past week...your notes of encouragement have come at the perfect time and for that I am forever grateful.Thank you for your kind words, prayers, hugs, and smiles.They have warmed my heart, so I thank you.

Since my last post...God has shown up...yet again...as He always does. I have had offers to live with people for little to no cost, I have had breakthroughs with those that I live with...including them affirming my call to being here.That was so great for me to hear.I have also had some money that has come from unexpected people...thank you!I should be good to go for the remainder of my time here.

I remember talking to my parents on Sunday morning. I've been calling them a lot lately... :) They shared how a lady from my previous church called "randomly" to see if all of my money had come in and that she wanted to donate some to me. They praised God. Then I called and shared with them that I am an example of the phrase, "Even when we are faithless, God is faithFUL." I give thanks and praise to Him.

Be blessed and be a blessing to someone in need...
Heidi

I Fall at Your Feet...

It's hard for me to think how long I've been in New Zealand...four and a half months...time has flown by.If I hadn't changed my flight, I would be leaving in about two and a half weeks...but thankfully I still have just over two months left here!In the time here, I have learned so much, experienced so much, and grown so much...but unfortunately not all the growing is positive.

Over the past two weeks, I have had a lot of difficult things happen to me.I have also had positive things happen, but I honestly feel like all of a sudden, a wall is coming down.I've had issues with finances, my lease in my flat is up Feb. 11th and I don't have anywhere to go, relationships have changed, my car is having issues...and honestly, I reached a point the other night where my car stalled at a light (it's an automatic) and I just broke down and my friend started praying at me...not with me, but at me..cause I was just losing it.

I've reached a point where I am sick for home...I think that there are two different kinds of homesickness.I have experienced the "I really wish you were here,but I'm content being here on my own," but the other night, I broke...I finally felt "I am not okay without you being here." I have missed the comfort of home and the feeling of a family.It's different when you live with three girls and you don't get the "family" feel.When my car broke down the other night, I came home and stood in my living room sobbing because I wanted to hear my dad's voice...he's so good with cars that I knew he would know what to do...but he finally felt miles away...a world away.

I called my parents yesterday and spoke with them for nearly two hours.It was so worth it.They have really been such a huge support system for me and for that I am forever grateful.There are times when I get worried about finances for the remainder of my time here,I get worried about what the ministry will look like when I'm gone, worry whether or not my car will make it, but through it all,I am seeking peace from God and trying to believe in faith.

People told me that when I came over here that I would face difficult times, but in the book of John it says that through this life we will have troubles, but take heart for He has overcome the world.I am trying to have that attitude...as I battle to take every thought captive...

Please keep me in your prayers and please know that I am okay.
I appreciate your support.

Tom Tom

Early this morning I received a message saying that one of my teens, the pastor's son, Tom, was being airlifted to the hospital after suffering from a rock hitting his head as he and his brother and close friend Phil were climbing a mountain. I instantly got on the phone to get people to pray. Throughout the day, I have had numerous people pray for Tom and I would ask that you would continue to do that.

In this photo are Reuben (Tom's brother), me, Tom, and Dom.

After just getting off the phone with his dad and brother Reuben, I learned that Tom is stable in the hospital about an hour and a half outside of Auckland, in Hamilton. The rock was five fists put together and it hit him right on the head, breaking teeth, and causing a fracture in his skull. They managed to keep him conscious the entire time that they were waiting for the chopper to come and pick him up.

He has gone through tests and this text from his mom just came in, "Tom has a big skull fracture. The wound was tricky to stitch but the Dr did an awesome job! Waiting for the facial specialist to arrive and give advice. He's sleeping peacefully. Very aware of God's intervention."

Please keep Tom in your prayers as well as his family: Mike and Michelle (parents), Reuben, Anna, and Josh. As well, please keep Phil and Hans in your prayers as well as Phil saw everything that happened. I've talked to both Phil and Reubs and both seem to be doing well and I had the opportunity to pray with them.

God is faithful and protective.We covet your prayers at this time.

Blessings.

Break My Heart

This past weekend, the annual youth camp "Ignite" was held. I was put in charge of all of the games and activities for the weekend.I had a blast putting things together and once the teams were decided, they too had a blast participating in the activities. The weekend consisted of team challenges, small group activities, but more importantly, challenging the teens in their relationship with Christ.

My friend Brent presented the Word and honestly, I got the hugest blessing out of messages.I love being challenged when it comes to loving people and in taking steps to imitating Christ more. I appreciate when people don't sugarcoat things, but when they are totally real with you...and that's what Brent did. He presented the Scripture in a way that was relevent to the teens as well as the leaders.

One of the topics that he spoke about was to not miss out on any opportunity because you never know who you could meet and what kind of impact you could have.That's what I did this weekend...I was determined to not miss out on an opportunity.

One of my teens has really been heavy on my heart for the past two months.I have been praying that he will come to know Christ and own his faith.He was thankfully able to attend camp and I was praying so hard that God would really start to break his heart, just as God had broken my heart for this teen.

When I first arrived in New Zealand, I forced myself to stay awake so that I could meet my teens that I would be working with. When this teen walked in, I didn't think that I would ever get along with him. He was a "pretty boy" and I typically didn't hang out with "pretty boys," so I knew that this would be a challenge. However, after being here three months and seeing the way that he interacts with people, he has such a massive heart. It's a heart that is hidden by hurt, because he cares too much.

I remember growing up, and even still today, people telling me "Heidi, you have a rare heart. You hurt because you care too much." My teen is the same way. After the last service at camp, I ran after my teen to talk with him. We sat down for about twenty minutes and after sharing Scripture with him and talking to him about my experiences and what I see in him, he broke. We stood up and he gave me a hug that lasted for the longest time and it was the tightest hug that I have ever received. He leaned on my shoulder crying as I prayed for him.

God is moving...and it is such a blessing to play a small part. I hope that this encourages you to seize every opportunity that you can because you never know what you could potentially miss out on or who you could potentially not bless because of your own fear.

So this is the New Year...

New Years in New Zealand. This picture was taken of the Sky Tower in Auckland from Devonport.They shut the lights off of the sky tower (which was all white) and then they had the fireworks actually shoot out from the sky tower. That was intense! A group of us went down to watch the fireworks and I had the pleasure of spending New Year's Eve with my flatmate Michelle and her brother Cameron who had come up for the weekend. Usually in Maine, we watch the fireworks from Times Square via television, so it was quite the experience to be watching them from the city. It was definitely something to mark down in my books.

As it is New Years, I have a list of things that I want to do this year...or at least for the next three months. My friend Brent gave me this amazing Christmas present. He gave me a "Heidi's Adventure List" to get me motivated to do things while I'm here for three months. Thanks pal!These are the adventures that I hope to tackle before I head home at the end of March.

*Sheer a sheep
*Milk a cow
*Climb Mt. Rangitoto (inactive volcano)
*Wellington (capital of NZ)
*Cathedral's Cove (filmed Prince Caspian)
*See a kiwibird
*Hold a lion cub
*Cliff jumping
*Pier jumping
*Go camping
*Chase a Pokeku
*The Luge
*Bungee jumping
*Baptized in the Pacific
*Attempt surfing
*See a dolphin
*Fishing
*Zoo
*Sky Tower
*Learn how to play netball
*Pick up a hitch hiker
*Take the bus (scary thought)
*Rotorua

We'll see how many of these I get to do!Come along my adventure!