are we there yet?

I wouldn't say that I'm the type of person who thrives on making decisions...in fact, when I go into the movie rental store, it can take me forever to make a decision as to what I'd like to watch...and to avoid making just one decision, I'll walk out of there with several choices. Another example, I have three shirts that are the exact same, just different colors...I couldn't decide on just one color...so I took three...ridiculous.

I hate decisions...and those examples are minor...obviously, so one can only imagine what goes through my head when I have to make a life decision...it doesn't come easy, that's for sure. I generally go back and forth about what I'm going to do and whether it's right for me, if it's where God wants me to go/do, how will I bless others through it...could I be used more effectively elsewhere?

Another question that comes into my mind often is, "Am I running from something? Am I running away?"

I've been doing a TON of thinking/crying/praying/pondering the past week or so about the next thing in my life. If I've made the decision that God wanted me to make or if I've avoided what God wants me to do because I'm being selfish. I'm so confused on this one...

I guess for once in my life...I feel really scared...taking a leap of faith...or staying where I know that I'm being effective. I realize that stepping into the unknown is always frightening,but should I really be this torn up about something...or is this God saying "Welp,maybe this isn't right...maybe not that it isn't 'right,' but maybe more like it's just not 'right now'"

Anytime that I was sick, my parents would give me a coloring book and crayons to help cheer me up...I had a hard time making a decision as to what color I would use on Ariel's tail or Belle's ballgown...and here I am...twenty years later, just wishing I could have that crayon and color in what's next for me.

Maybe this is just a rough patch of doubt...or maybe it's God. How does one know for sure...

Decisions come and decisions go...for now, I don't know which is the right one for God and my relationship...and where I'll be more effective...and where I'll be able to give more for His Name...I don't want to be selfish at all.

Gah.