I was sitting in front of the tv, watching a reality show (don't mock me) and then,reality hit me. I'm not saying that it was because of a girl named Heidi crying on the tv, but then the girl Heidi (me) sitting in the chair, started to cry. I quickly grabbed my laptop and came up to my room so as to not have my mom see me. It's not that I mind crying in front of her,I just didn't know what I would say when she asked what was wrong.
When I got up to my room, I looked at my calendar...9 weeks. Just nine weeks until I would leave for South Korea...for a year...at least. Oh my goodness. Mental. Usually when I talk about it, I'm really excited, but I started to cry this time. "Oh my goodness" and "what am I doing" were the thoughts going through my head. "This is insane" and "This is selfish" soon came flooding my thoughts.
Tears streamed down my face as I thought about the last time I saw my gram. I was coming back from my road trip with my best friend Andy, and I stayed at her house for a night. She spoke about how lonely she is now that gramps is gone (4 years ago) and my heart broke for her.
I thought about the last time I saw my sister and brother in law...I was in Indiana in August-September visiting them as they got settled in more and more. I remember saying goodbye to them as they headed to the airport to fly to England(for the weekend...mental) for a wedding.
I didn't want it to end like that. I don't want 9 weeks to go by fast at all. I'm loving being home and investing in the teens in my town, planning a youth all nighter for this weekend, and substitute teaching kids who say "Oh my goodness I have to fart so bad" and who can't pronounce my name correctly so it comes out "Ms. Sour" instead of Ms. Sattler.
I'm not ready to leave. I'm not ready to say good-bye. Now I know that some of you are saying, "Heid, you have 9 more weeks." The scary thought is how fast those will go by and then it's on to my next adventure, which don't get me wrong, I AM excited for, it's just really overwhelming...and it hit again tonight. I know that it's where God wants me for this time in my life and I know that a year will fly by and before you know it I will be talking about my family flying over to see me and/or signing on for another year at a school over there.
The check of reality came tonight...most definitely. I'm comfortable being home...and though that's awesome and I'm thankful for it, it also kind of scares me...I don't want to settle yet...I want to live life as it comes and long for the next adventure...
So please pray for me and I'll pray for you.
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