The clock says 2 am and I'm still awake.
I'm back in Maine now. My last flight got in this morning at 8:45 and I was relieved to see my parents there...I must admit that it felt really weird to see them because it had been so long. The next thing I was worried about were my bags because they had to change my terminals...but thankfully they were there.
Traveling by myself this time was quite brutal. I left Auckland after saying goodbye to 22 amazing friends that have become part of my family. It has been the hardest thing for me to be away from them. It just doesn't feel right. I keep expecting my cell phone to vibrate and to get a text message or have one of my teens run up to me and try to bruise me. It's just different.
Once I got home, I sat in the green chair in our living room and just sobbed. It's back to reality...I'm not in New Zealand anymore. I'm not surrounded by a diverse culture. I'm not looking at palm trees and hearing the ocean...instead I'm looking at snow and having my dog Coal lick my pants. People didn't prepare me for this. I am glad to be home, but it's so hard when my heart is somewhere else...I don't feel complete. I don't feel like being social. I feel so tired in every possible way,but my mind won't let me rest.
My parents said that if there were any possible way that they could have let me stay there, they would have because they knew how difficult this was going to be for me. I'm so thankful that they are being understanding. It's frustrating for them too because they don't know how to react and what to do for me to help. I did e-mail my pastor about doing debriefing with him,so hopefully we'll start that soon.
My heart hurts. I'm a world away from my boys that I love and miss so much. This is going to take some getting used to. This is going to take some time. I know that this will make me stronger and God has a reason for me experiencing these emotions at this time. Please keep me in your prayers as I adjust to being home...
To those of you in NZ, I miss you greatly.
Be blessed and be a blessing...even when you don't think you can be.
Heidi
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1 comment:
wow some pretty strong emotions but all really normal. it is really hard. from know on your heart will be pulled between two loves. the only problem is they are both half a world away. you must alway be choosing one over the other. the good news is your closer to the bowlin babies!!!! maybe we can catch up with you soon. give yourself plenty of time (like a lot more than a week that is not plenty). i feel like this time it took us about a month to really feel like we had the time change and lifestyle things back in order. hang in there girl you are so very amazing and so very strong you just might not know it yet!!! thanks for giving your heart so freely even when it hurts so deeply. o.k. so enough of the cheezy country love song sounding lyrics. just keep up the good work friend.
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