I remember growing up how much I loved the song "Love" by Nat King Cole.I loved it (no pun intended).My favorite line was "V is very very extra ordinary." I wanted to love in an extra ordinary way...a way that was not common to others.Those words are only now really taking shape in my life.I was always the kid who would love things with my whole heart.I loved my stuffed animals.I loved my Polly Pockets.I loved my swing set. I loved my leotard.I loved baton.I loved rollar blading in the kitchen. I loved making music videos.I loved giving people hugs.I loved people.
Growing up with the mind-set that I need to love everyone/everything with my whole heart, sacrificing myself was always something that I tried to do.But as I continued to love people, I lost sight of why I was loving them.Was I doing it because it made me a better person? Was I doing it because it was how I was brought up?Was I doing it because God calls us to love?No,I was doing it for selfish reasons.Imagine that...loving others for selfish reasons.It doesn't quite make sense.
You see,as a person who loves...I get hurt a lot.I started to resent God because I couldn't understand why God would have me love people if they were just going to hurt me in the long run of things.It didn't make sense.My heart knew why I was loving people,but until I went searching, my head didn't know.
As I was preparing a sermon today, I came across this thought:
"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home." (TWLOHA)
As a control freak, organized, structured girl, I thought that if I loved people,then they would love me in return...in the same way that I loved them.Foolish,I know,but one can dream right?Instead...I've poured myself out and gotten hurt.As I read that quote above, it finally sunk in."We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers." I am a rescuer, but I don't know the ending...and that's okay.Yes it's tough to try and understand,but I am called to love people and give them hope. It's inevitable that my heart willl get hurt.It's up to them how they will respond.And I will do just that...pour myself out again and again...as I have done for many years.
Be blessed and be a blessing.Love someone.
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