Ouch,This Hurts...

I leave in two sleeps. I have two days left here. Where did the time go? How did it get so late so soon? For the past week, I've been having a really tough time with saying good-bye to people or even trying to talk to them about "what's next" for me. They always ask me "Are you coming back?" and honestly...I sure hope so.I really don't feel as though God is done with my time here...He is for this present moment, but there is SUCH a great need here for Christians and pastors...and I'm game to step up and step in as soon as I can again.

I would ask that you would please keep me in your prayers over the next week or two as I not only leave New Zealand, but try to adapt to my home culture again...that's going to be an adjustment. Just to be sure I get this out...I am looking forward to seeing people...don't get me wrong, it's just tough when your heart wants to be somewhere else and you are where you are...a world away.

I don't understand how the whole time thing works. I was sharing with someone that it seems that until the "half way" point comes, time goes so slowly, but as soon as you hit the half way mark, everything goes by so fast. Why is it that something you want to last for a long time...just seems to pass you by more quickly.

I may or may not have been crying on the phone with my friend the other day and I said something like, "I'm not cut out for this" and he said "Heidi, this is proof that you are." I let that sink in for a while...

I can't even begin to explain how the experience has changed me. I have become more dependent on God and realize how much work there is still left for me to do...for God to do in and through me and I'm excited for the ride that I'm on.

I had my last Sunday at Shore Grace today. I, of course, had the water works turn on during one of the songs and then Pastor Mike pulled me up front to pray for me. He turns to me, as I wipe tears off of my tear stained face, and he said, "Do you want to say anything?" Well, yeah..there's a whole lot that I want to say,but can I physically get it out.

I stood there with the microphone in front of my face and I struggled to get a word out as I gasped for air in between tears. I couldn't help but look at "my boys" (my core teenagers-5 of 8 teenage guys that were there). Anytime I looked at them, I cried...Just as I was getting ready to share, here come my five boys to stand by me and to support me. That's why I was here...

I'm not done here.