are we there yet?

I wouldn't say that I'm the type of person who thrives on making decisions...in fact, when I go into the movie rental store, it can take me forever to make a decision as to what I'd like to watch...and to avoid making just one decision, I'll walk out of there with several choices. Another example, I have three shirts that are the exact same, just different colors...I couldn't decide on just one color...so I took three...ridiculous.

I hate decisions...and those examples are minor...obviously, so one can only imagine what goes through my head when I have to make a life decision...it doesn't come easy, that's for sure. I generally go back and forth about what I'm going to do and whether it's right for me, if it's where God wants me to go/do, how will I bless others through it...could I be used more effectively elsewhere?

Another question that comes into my mind often is, "Am I running from something? Am I running away?"

I've been doing a TON of thinking/crying/praying/pondering the past week or so about the next thing in my life. If I've made the decision that God wanted me to make or if I've avoided what God wants me to do because I'm being selfish. I'm so confused on this one...

I guess for once in my life...I feel really scared...taking a leap of faith...or staying where I know that I'm being effective. I realize that stepping into the unknown is always frightening,but should I really be this torn up about something...or is this God saying "Welp,maybe this isn't right...maybe not that it isn't 'right,' but maybe more like it's just not 'right now'"

Anytime that I was sick, my parents would give me a coloring book and crayons to help cheer me up...I had a hard time making a decision as to what color I would use on Ariel's tail or Belle's ballgown...and here I am...twenty years later, just wishing I could have that crayon and color in what's next for me.

Maybe this is just a rough patch of doubt...or maybe it's God. How does one know for sure...

Decisions come and decisions go...for now, I don't know which is the right one for God and my relationship...and where I'll be more effective...and where I'll be able to give more for His Name...I don't want to be selfish at all.

Gah.

L.O.V.E.

I recently googled the word "love" and it came up with 240,000,000 results in .15 seconds. How come it's so easy to find online, but not so easy to find in real life? It's so easy for us to love things that last a minute, while we have a harder time loving people who could last a lifetime.

I find myself struggling with the same thing at times, but lately I've been putting my heart in check with just how I am to love...and better yet,how I am supposed to show that love to others. Love can come in many forms...for some it's a hug, while for others it's in a smile. Some it's at first sight, while others never find it.

How dare I ever take this forgranted...how dare I ever think that I have it so rough...how dare I become complacent about my life...the life that so many people have impacted...and that impact comes from them loving me...and me letting them love me. If someone is a good friend of mine,then they easily get a piece of my heart.

I can remember the first time that my heart was broken. I never thought that it would get repaired...but I learned a hard lesson...which seems easy,but it wasn't at the time...If I'm looking to man for love, then I'll be searching my whole life for a love that is meaningless,but if I turn to God...which is the ultimate love...then I will have it not just for a moment,but for the maximum time...which is eternity.

Something that has boggled my mind and probably always will, is how parents cannot find it in them to love their children. I,thankfully, do not deal with this. I have two loving parents who have always provided for me, encouraged me, and voiced how proud they are of me with my life decisions and my character. They helped to shape who I am...and it kills me that others aren't as fortunate as me. Why was I dealt such a card while others receive the "joker" because they don't have loving parents.

One of my best friends doesn't receive the kind of love that he deserves...the kind of love that he needs from a parent...from his dad...from his mom. I see this very clearly...and it breaks my heart. Someone that I care so much about...and he isn't treated nearly as well as he should be. It makes me angry...makes me clean (because I clean when I'm really mad)...and makes me pray harder than I've ever prayed.

I'm praying for God to intervene in his life in a huge way...to put people in his path that will love him unconditionally. That God will take off the blindfolds that have been placed over my friend's mother's eyes so that she can see the true gift that her son is, not only to her,but to any person that he comes in contact with.

Will you please join me in this prayer...and for those who don't have loving parents. We were born to love. Christ loved. God loved us enough to send His Son...so why, can't we in return love our "sons?"

Post Your Secret...

Have you ever had a secret? You wanted to tell someone...but you were so scared of what they would say or think...but you had to get it out? Frank Warren decided to give people that outlet that they were craving by inventing "Post Secret" where that's literally what you do. You write your secret on a postcard and mail it in anonymously to PostSecret, where it could end up in one of their many books, or on their blog that they update each week.

The simple concept of the project was that completely anonymous people decorate a postcard and portray a secret that they had never previously revealed. No restrictions are made on the content of the secret; only that it must be completely truthful and must never have been spoken before.

I started reading the blog two years ago, and I've read through two of their books. They have had over 2,500 postcards sent in to them. I don't know what it is, but seeing what people struggle with and the semi freedom that they must feel when they post their secret and in a sense "let it out" gives me courage as well as insight. It impresses on me the need for love in our world...and for forgiveness...and the importance of being honest with each other. It also fills me in on what type of things people struggle with...and we may never ever know that they do...It honestly breaks my heart.

We each have a secret...one that we deal with...maybe it's bigger than some, or maybe we haven't let things go that we dealt with years ago. It may be one that has never been spoken. The Bible says to confess our sins to one another...and perhaps we could put our secrets on the back of a postcard that we've decorated and send it in...so that when other people read it, it can encourage them...or break their hearts...

Some of the things that people write...wow.

http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/

Some of the images can be graphic...

Jesus calls us to love people...despite what they have/have not done...so read some of these secrets...and go out and love people because you never know what they're going through.

Clean Machine..

I know that this will seem really geeky...but I love cleaning. There's something about starting with something that's dirty...and organizing it, putting it back in place, and just making it look clean.

My family is expecting company from this Sunday for about a week and a half and because both of my parents work full time and then some, I decided that I would take it upon myself to clean my house.

I started this morning around 9:30 and I have now, at 5:30 pm, just finished. I have done about five loads of wash, stripped two beds, made those beds again, vacuumed both floors, cleaned two toilets, three sinks, two showers, dusted anything and everything I could, watered the plants, and put clothes away.

There's something so satisfying about having a clean house. You know that there's nothing left to do. You can be stress free for a bit...and just lay back and smell the scent of the candles lit in each room. Ah...good to be home...in a clean home...

Update on All Night...

The all-nighter that we held on Friday night went SO well. We had about 60 teens from around the area that came. Some were from two youth groups that I volunteer at, while the others, I honestly didn't know! What a blessing!

Four of my friends from college came to be the band and one of them was the speaker as well. We played gross games...which were absolutely disgusting. I learned everything that I know from my youth pastor, Dave Rowe. Seriously...so sick. We did a "Bobbing For..." series...where we had apples in spaghetti, toilet paper in apple juice, spam in spaghetti, tootsie rolls in oatmeal and maple syrup, and gummi worms in jello/water.

We did other gross games as well, had great fellowship time over tons of food that was donated by my church family. We gave out giftcards that were donated by my community. We played not murder in the dark, but "Martyr in the dark." Mike brought the Word...and he did just that...SO good. It got the kids thinking and definitely got me praying and thinking as well.

We watched "Hook" which brought back awesome memories. I really got to know these teens. They had a blast and we're still hearing about it now! Some of them said that it was the most fun that they've ever had which was really encouraging!

It was well worth being sleep deprived.

Later on Halloween, I dressed up as a taco and volunteered at the Wesleyan church's "Trunk or Treat" that they hold annually. About 260 kids came through as well as their parents. I think the costume for the year was spiderman as well as a princess of some sort (typical).

All in all...great weekend. Tiring weekend. Totally worth it.