The time has come to say good bye...

I look to the left of me, and there sit my two bags...one red hiker bag and one green suitcase. It's Christmas. Not quite, but you get the idea. I honestly didn't think that I would be able to get it all in,or that I would have to sit on my suitcase to get it shut, but thankfully it's all good...I'm just praying that it isn't overweight,otherwise I'm in trouble.

I have never felt more blessed than I have the past two days. I have had numerous people call,text,and swing by all to say "hi and bye" and to check to see if I am okay. As hard as last night was for me, I felt so loved to look in the Mackay's living room and see my two old flatmates Michelle and Jess, Rachel, Brent, James, Rick, Sam, Evy, Rod, Jan, Phil, and had people come in while we were there with each other. As I looked at each person's face, I found myself trying to memorize it so that I would never forget it.

I am such a leaky faucet. I honestly don't understand how I have anymore tears left. It's totally bizarre. Where do they come from?!I think I'll become dehydrated or something...eeks! So, here ya go...

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go.

I'm standing here outside your door.

I hate to wake you up to say good-bye.

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn

The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn

Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me

Tell me that you'll wait for me

Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane

I don't know when I'll be back again

Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'll be Stateside soon and I'm excited to see people...and NZ just you wait for the return of Heidi Genevieve Sattler.

Ouch,This Hurts...

I leave in two sleeps. I have two days left here. Where did the time go? How did it get so late so soon? For the past week, I've been having a really tough time with saying good-bye to people or even trying to talk to them about "what's next" for me. They always ask me "Are you coming back?" and honestly...I sure hope so.I really don't feel as though God is done with my time here...He is for this present moment, but there is SUCH a great need here for Christians and pastors...and I'm game to step up and step in as soon as I can again.

I would ask that you would please keep me in your prayers over the next week or two as I not only leave New Zealand, but try to adapt to my home culture again...that's going to be an adjustment. Just to be sure I get this out...I am looking forward to seeing people...don't get me wrong, it's just tough when your heart wants to be somewhere else and you are where you are...a world away.

I don't understand how the whole time thing works. I was sharing with someone that it seems that until the "half way" point comes, time goes so slowly, but as soon as you hit the half way mark, everything goes by so fast. Why is it that something you want to last for a long time...just seems to pass you by more quickly.

I may or may not have been crying on the phone with my friend the other day and I said something like, "I'm not cut out for this" and he said "Heidi, this is proof that you are." I let that sink in for a while...

I can't even begin to explain how the experience has changed me. I have become more dependent on God and realize how much work there is still left for me to do...for God to do in and through me and I'm excited for the ride that I'm on.

I had my last Sunday at Shore Grace today. I, of course, had the water works turn on during one of the songs and then Pastor Mike pulled me up front to pray for me. He turns to me, as I wipe tears off of my tear stained face, and he said, "Do you want to say anything?" Well, yeah..there's a whole lot that I want to say,but can I physically get it out.

I stood there with the microphone in front of my face and I struggled to get a word out as I gasped for air in between tears. I couldn't help but look at "my boys" (my core teenagers-5 of 8 teenage guys that were there). Anytime I looked at them, I cried...Just as I was getting ready to share, here come my five boys to stand by me and to support me. That's why I was here...

I'm not done here.

I've Lived in Six Places...

It's pretty crazy that my time here is nearly done.I try to escape the fact that I'm leaving soon, but I just can't. People keep telling me "You have so much time left," but I really don't and I have to prepare myself to head home in 11 days...that's mental. Since I've been here, I have had numerous people come into my life and impact it in ways that are far beyond anything that I could have ever imagined.

It boggles my mind that since being here, I have lived in six different places...I've been here for 6.5 months...that's a lot of moving around and a lot of living out of my suitcase...woot woot!About a month ago, I was worried as to where I was going to live for the last 2.5 weeks that I'm here...and the Mackay's stepped in and said that they would love to have me. I LOVE this family...they are literally like a home away from home...I've never felt more welcome or loved...that's what this family has given me. I have loved living with them for the past week and I have another week and a half with them.

Rod and Jan Mackay are some of the best examples of what selfless loving is all about. They are sacrificial in a way that I haven't seen before. They have three sons. James (17), Rick (16), and Sam (13). I love these boys. I feel like their older sister and that blesses me in itself! Yesterday, we had the opportunity to go to James' first rugby match. He wears #9 (hence the picture) and yes, he has a mullet...a typical hairstyle here. Rick, Sam, and I had a little photoshoot while Jan took Sophie (their dog) for a nice little walk.

It will break my heart to leave them, but I so look forward to seeing where the boys end up and hearing about how many more people Rod and Jan get to minister to.

James #9...he gave me the nickname "Heidi Face" which I am now called...or to shorten it, they don't call me Heidi, but they call me "Face." True story.
Rick (L) and Sam (R) playing on a little playground. Rick told me that I looked too excited to see a playground...and then I got on the swing and went as high as I could..with a big grin on my face. Nice to know that some things won't ever change.

The Way Life Should Be.

Each State has a motto. Maine's motto: "The Way Life Should Be." Weird to think about. In three weeks, I'll be hopping on a plane and heading home to the great white north...also known as aroostook county. Many things are going through my head right now...I'm trying to process as much as I can...I'm trying to do as much as I can...I'm trying to stay focused and not check out, but honestly that can be quite the challenge.

I'm still having a blast over here. I love my teens. We made Bible Study t-shirts tonight...the Bible study is called "Laundromat" so my friend Evy designed the stencils and we did that tonight...put it this way...teens with spray paint...eeks! I now have perma-pink-purple hands...awesome!

I've had the opportunity to live at the Fussner house while they have been in the States and I've been able to spend tons of quality time with Emily and Evy...two of my favorite people over here. I have to say, I've loved the "family feel" that I get when I'm around them. It's like they are an extension to my family in the States...so that's awesome! I was talking with another American today about how when I see him in the States, I know that we'll pick up right where we left off because we experienced this together, so I know that there will always be that bond...if that makes any sense.

So...I'm doing well. I am definitely not looking forward to leaving, but I am looking forward to being home in the cold (okay,slight lie), and I'm ready to see my family and friends and to look on ahead to the next chapter.

It may not be "the way life should be." Instead, I like to look at it as "The way life could be."

Birthdays Birthdays...

This week my parents both had their birthdays. If I had gone home in February,then I would have been able to celebrate with them. For Mom's birthday I wanted to do something in her honor over here. So, what did I pick? Bungee jumping.

The first bungee jump actually took place in New Zealand, so when I was making a list of all the things that I wanted to do over here, bungee jumping made the list. I thought to myself, “I doubt I’ll even end up doing it, but put it on there.” Then, I became a person who wanted to do everything that she had put on that list…so I called this morning (March 1st in the States) and made the booking. My friend Evan came with me as well. Hey, at least I didn’t have to do it by myself.

As soon as I hung up the phone, I got nervous. Evy and I drove into the city to bungee jump off the harbor bridge. We were petrified, but so excited at the same time. We got all harnessed up and started to walk under the bridge to face our doom. As we were walking and I could see the water through the walkway, I started to get freaked out. I was actually going to do this…no turning back now. It reminded me of the song “I have decided to follow Jesus” except it would be “I have decided to bungee jump. No turning back. No turning back.” It pretty much fits if you sing it through in your head.

I was first up (of course) and went out to the ledge. The guy counted down from five and I leapt off the edge. I dove down and my arms went into the Pacific. How crazy was that?! I bobbed three times and then released my feet so that I was dangling from my waist harness. The view was unbelievable and I even managed to scream “happy birthday Mom!” while I was down there.

For my dad's birthday, I decided to climb an inactive volcano. I have seen Mt. Rangitoto several times since being here, it is one of many volcanoes that are around Auckland. I had it in my mind that I needed to climb it, so on Dad's birthday I took a ferry to Rangitoto and climbed up to the summit where I took the picture from above. Gorgeous!

Mark that off of my list of things to do. I’m different. I’m seizing every opportunity. I don’t want to turn back and regret time…so I’m going to make the most of it!