The Grass is Always Greener...

I'm sitting here in my sun room looking out at my lawn where dandelions are doing their usual annoying thing of taking over the entire lawn...typical. The lilac bushes are leaving a sweet aroma in the air and the cherry tree is ready to blossom!It feels so wonderful to be home to be able to see this beauty once again. A beauty that perhaps I had taken for granted for a good majority of my life.

I can remember singing in a little show back in college with my friend Nicole. We sang the song, "The Grass is Always Greener" which depicts two different people's perspectives on life. They each are discontent in where they are at. They look at the other person's life and think how much better it is...hence, the grass is always greener on the other side.

I don't want to be that discontent ever. Thinking that what I have is nothing compared to what others have...whether that be others having more or less than what I have. The grass is green right where I'm at...and that's something that I need to remember.

The Words I Would Say...

To be honest, I've been in quite the funk lately. I haven't felt like myself and others have taken notice of it. I've spent a lot of time at home, rather than getting out which is my normal response to the day. I guess you could say that I'm a hermit...

I met with my pastor last week to discuss a few of the happenings that have been going on in my life lately...it basically started when I injured my ankle and couldn't go to LA...since then, I have let one thing after another affect me negatively and take ahold of who I am...and that again, is not my typical response.

We spoke of being in this place (Houlton, Maine) for such a time as this...that I am here to grow and that my pastor firmly believes that. I found that odd to hear as I expected to be anywhere but in Houlton, Maine living with my parents, but he said that he went through a similar experience at the age of 27 and that it was the biggest growing time that he had had with God...so I'm expecting great things!

I'm seeking after truth...and that's something that I'm thankful I haven't stopped doing. I have come across more Scripture revealing listening to truth than I have before...another piece of Scripture is in John where Jesus calls the disciples. He doesn't say, "Now, go do this, be concerned with that, and then come to me." Instead He gives clear instruction to, "Just follow me."

That is what I am yearning to do. Regardless of if I have to work a job that I would despise...or stay in Houlton where I never thought I would end up...God has me..and He has a plan even if I can't see it yet and that is the truth that I am clinging too.

As I was driving to work today, I heard a song called "The Words I would Say" by Sidewalk Prophets. I have never heard this song before, but it spoke volumes about what I am going through right now...

Take a listen...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thLdWPr32yY

Quotable Quote...

I was working one on one with one of my students this morning and he said something hilarious and I had to share it.

Me- "I hate my stomach...it's constantly hurting. I need a new one."

Student- "How are you going to do that? Get a pig's one?"

Me and Student- Burst out laughing...


Too good not to share...

When My Life Gets Tossed-Turned Upside Down...

Time to Freak Out!

I found out a week ago that I do not have a job come the end of June...so in a little over a month...I will be without a "plan." At least I will be without my plan. I know that He has a plan...it's just a bit overwhelming to all of a sudden not have one...not sure what the next month will hold...not working with my students again...not sure where I'll live...knowing that He has a plan does bring comfort, but I have a difficult time giving over all of my worry to Him.

Please pray for me.

Time

I have been doing a lot of thinking about the concept of time lately...thinking how I usually have two perspectives on it...either I am thinking, "I've got too much time on my hands and could be doing tons of different things with my time..." or..."There's never enough time."

Upon looking up the word "time" on google, over 3 billion results showed up...typing it into youtube...over 400,000 showed up...and in biblegateway.com, 889 results. I'd say that as a society we think of "time" as quite important.

I've been wrestling with this concept for a little while now. I feel as though we, as humans, try to "play God" when it comes to the time that we have.

We think that we have all the time in the world to go where we want, do what we want, and be who we want...but God's design, I feel, is much bigger than we can even possibly imagine. We change things from God's timing and try to make them our own...and if we do that, it generally goes to custard.

I had a conversation with someone the other day about when doctors put a timeline on our lives...we're sick, so we "only have a year" left...I don't believe that...some have longer, or some have shorter. Who am I to decide the time of someone's life? Rather than choosing to live in fear of not having enough time, shouldn't we be more focused on the time that has been given to us where we are and who we are with?

I'm such a person of deadlines.

I can remember being in college and planning my homework/quizzes/tests based on their due dates. I would sit down with a posterboard and make a calendar and put my due dates a week ahead of when they were actually due...that way, I would have more than enough time to complete the task at hand. Then I could also go back and look at my work and make changes if I needed/wanted to.

Everything is a timeline...our jobs, vacations, sports, leisure time,church, classes...When it comes to deadlines, we generally countdown because we want that deadline to come...so that we can finally be finished with a certain project. However, there's another way of looking at it...
timeframes...



I'm in a situation right now where I don't want the time to go fast...I don't want to see the moments as they slip past...That can be so difficult for me as I love counting down to things...crossing things out of my planner...but I don't want to cross out the time that I have with people...people that are here for a short time and then move on to something new. I want to cherish the time that I have with those that I love.

I'm in a Pit..With a Lion on a Sunny Day...

"God is awfully good at getting us where He wants us to go. But here's the catch: The right place often seems like the wrong place, and the right time often seems like wrong time."

I can honestly say that this is exactly how I have been feeling as of late. Not being able to go to LA to serve God in a different capacity...and having to sit for hours a day with my foot up so that it doesn't swell to be the size of a grapefruit...having my ankle be different shades of the rainbow (roygbiv)...and not fully understanding why I am where I am for such a time as this.

My best friend and I have been reading "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day" lately and he pointed this quote out to me the other day. How perfect...this describes my life at this moment. I know that God has a purpose in everything...but what's the purpose in me sitting at home...is it that I needed to rest because I'm always going here, there, and everywhere? Is it that I'm supposed to gain strength in my ankles?

I find it interesting the lyrics, "I wanna be Your hands...I wanna be Your feet. I'll go where You send me..." Well, that's the cry of my heart. I want so desperately to be His hands and feet...so perhaps my feet just needed strengthening...or maybe my family needed me to be home...I really don't know.

The right time seems like the wrong time...and that's the truth in my heart. It seems like the wrong time for me to be here, but God, and only He, knows why I'm here at this point...and not over in LA doing different ministries.

I'm trying to think about how I can honor God where I'm at...in Houlton, Maine...how can I honor Him through this trial? So frustrating...but still seeking.

Clumsy Consequence...

I thought that at this moment I would be in a fifteen passenger van heading to Portland, Maine for the evening...and then flying to Los Angeles, California tomorrow morning at 5:40...grossly early, I know.Instead I am sitting in my living room with my left leg up on three pillows, wrapped in an ace bandage, tylenol/ibuprofen by my side, people waiting on me hand and foot, and ice on top of and underneath my ankle.

Yesterday was the third Saturday of the month, which means that people meet at the church to go out on Adopt a Block...where we go around to help those in need and also act as a blessing for those who may not be so "in need." Well, me being my usual graceful self, started to walk toward my dad's vehicle to drop off my mug of coffee and I saw a curb...I thought, "hmm...let's try balancing on that!" It was higher up than most curbs, so I knew it would be a challenge. I'm stupid.

I started to walk on it and it wasn't long before I was on the ground screaming at the top of my lungs in pain...not fully understanding the damage and consequences that were about to come. They called the ambulance and my dad held my ankle, not knowing if it was broken or sprained badly. All I could say was, "I'm so sorry. I can't go to LA." I was gutted as LA was going to be a continuing training in how to better the adopt a block ministry in my town.

The paramedics were great and I rode in an ambulance for the first time while people stood outside my church waving. My dad was stoked that he got to ride shotgun...he would be!

I had four x-rays, an ID bracelet (you know you've done something bad when...), and I awaited the doctor's word. Thankfully it wasn't broken...but man that stupid ankle was huge...about the size of a tennis ball on my left foot. I got a walking boot, ace bandage, and crutches, which thankfully I've become a pro at using because of previous injuries.

I was faced with the decision to go to LA or not...and through much prayer and a heavy heart, we realized that in reality I wouldn't be able to go and be effective in climbing up flights of stairs and doing the ministries which require walking everywhere that you go...I am gutted.

My eyes were swollen when I woke up this morning due to the amount of tears shed. All I wanted was to do this ministry...have this opportunity...serve God in a different way...and I was being obedient...

I've been faithfully praying Philippians 3:10 lately which roughly says I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection...through suffering, even unto His death.

Little did I know what my suffering would look like.

Some people would get angry at God...after raising support and being so excited about this...and then BAM...not being able to go...but I don't look at it as that. Yes, I'm clearly upset, but there's a purpose in this...you can't rush God's timing...His is perfect. I'm resting in that thought along with knowing that this is for a reason...one that I'm not sure of yet, but in His time, I will know.

Be blessed and be a blessing.

Coffee and a Book...

I can remember being a little girl on school mornings and doing something sneaky. My parents were both coffee drinkers and I couldn't understand why. I didn't get why they "needed" that to wake them up in the morning for work. So, curious as I was, I decided that when they weren't looking, I would sneak some of their coffee. Mom would leave her cup on the table in the living room and after I was finished getting ready and no one was in the room, I would take a sip from the cup. Cold, flavored coffee. Back then, cause it was forever ago, we didn't have all these different flavors that we do today, so I'm pretty sure it was just cream and sugar in Mom's cup. I remember that first taste...I was hooked.

Now I can't imagine going a morning without having a cup of coffee. I even take my coffee to church with me on a Sunday morning. Possible addiction? Even if it is, I don't want to admit it.

A coffee related subject...books. I was reading chapter seven in "CrazyLove" by Francis Chan the other day. This chapter discussed how we are to look at everyone as if Jesus were that person...In Matthew 25:31-45 it talks about "I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat. I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink. I was a stranger and you didn't invite me in...Whatever you did not do for the least of these, you did not do for me."


Think about that for a minute. How selfish have I become, owning what I do and hoarding it to myself? There are people in different kind of needy situations everywhere around us, and rather than see Jesus in them and help them out in their time of need, we continue to buy more.

I know people who will never wear the same outfit twice, have 3 ipods cause two are "old," four tv's in their house and they only use one or two...

Who am I to complain that I "need" something...when I have all that I need. Am I storing up treasures on earth rather than holding out for heaven? Am I living as though who I come into contact with is Jesus?

Think about that.

The Dream Team

In just a mere ten sleeps, yes I count, I will be leaving with four others from my church in Maine, to venture across the country to Los Angeles, California. Some of you may be saying, "nice vacation," but that isn't how I am looking at this trip.

A year ago, some youth leaders chaperoned a group of 20-25 people on a mission trip to the Dream Center in LA. There, they got right into doing a multitude of different ministries such as: bus ministry, food truck, dream center live, prayer ministry, skid row, homeless ministry, prostitution ministry, and many others. One in particular that grabbed the team's attention last year when they went out was "Adopt a Block" where you literally adopt a block around where you meet/live and you love them just as Jesus did.

When the team came back, they started up Adopt a Block in Houlton and for nearly a year (it will be in June) the team has gone out every third Saturday of the month to love the people around the block that they have adopted. God said, "One block...for one year" and the church has been faithful to that. So now they're seeking the next step for Adopt a Block...where to next/what direction does it need to go in? What is God wanting from this community and how will we seek that?

So, this April, in ten sleeps, five of us will be leaving on a jet plane to fly to California to be involved in ministry at the dream center for one week. We have had to raise funds for this, which have all come in very quickly! Now any other finances that come in will go toward buying supplies when we get out there to leave at the dream center or to pass out to those that we come in contact with.

I am beyond stoked for this trip! We are going to seek the next step and praying that God reveals that in His time. Please be in prayer for this team of five...that God will break our hearts for His people in a different place...that we will be selfless and exude Christ...and that we will come back with a deeper knowledge and understanding of what God hopes for this community and how we will play a role in that.

Be blessed and be a blessing.

Out of the Woodwork...

I can't begin to tell you how many times I have sat down, pulled up this page, and started to write, but continued to hit delete because anything that I wrote was mediocre or just "stuff" and not anything of value...so here I go...yet trying again.

For a few months now I have been working/advocating for fifteen students at a local high school who have some type of disability...whether that is a learning disability or something greater, that is my life. I must say that it's one of the most challenging jobs, frustrating jobs, annoying jobs, but SO rewarding. I have seen my kids (yes,I call them that) come so far...in their way of thinking, processing after high school life, exploring careers, doing community service, and above all...really growing in their self confidence.

One of my close friends said to me, "We are put on the earth for a few reasons...one of them being helping others."

This friend is a non-Christian and he gets it. We are to help others...and I'm attempting that to the best of my ability. I refuse to let these kids settle for mediocrity...so we'll push through and knowing that God has a plan for each one, whether they know it or not...is a peace in and of itself.

With that being said, working in a public high school has been interesting...not being able to profess my faith with the students (unless they ask me) is interesting...but God continues to open doors. I have been doing a young adult Bible study with the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. I can't say that I agree with everything in this book, but it's definitely worth your time if you're keen. It's teaching me a whole lot about sharing my faith, not being lukewarm...and what being a "real" Christian looks like.

More to come...I promise.

Responsibility...what's that?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJamzD0KntE (watch this!)

Sometimes when I'm given a responsibility I think, "Are you serious? You want ME to be in charge of that? You want ME to do that?" Sure, a bit of boasting may come along (sinful as it may be), but I can't help but feel flattered when someone gives me a responsibility. That person sees something in me that I may not see in myself...and for that, they bring out a part of me that continues to grow.

Responsibility comes in many different sizes...for some it's your children, for others it's applying to college, for others it's taking care of someone when they're sick...for me today...my responsibility is to teach the kindergartners how to tell time. You may sit there and laugh, but I view this as a responsibility. What I tell them could either help them or hinder them from being able to tell time correctly...who knows.

We, as Christians, have a huge responsibility...to share the love of God with others...with everyone...with our friends, with strangers, with the people/kids that we work with...I try to not take that lightly, though sometimes I slip...Why is it that I take the responsibility of teaching five year olds how to tell time seriously...but when it comes to my friends/family's lives and where they will spend eternity...I don't do nearly as much as I should do.

I have that responsibility...and I need to live up to it.
Challenge yourself to think about what you are responsible for.

The Choice is Ours...

I had a conversation with someone recently about one of the most valuable lessons that I have ever learned. We were talking about how people can feel guilty, how we respond to situations...why we hold onto grudges...it's our choice...plain and simple.

When I was in New Zealand, I can remember getting into a disagreement with a friend of mine and I sat down with the pastor's wife, Michelle (lovely lady), and explained the situation. I said how the "person made me feel guilty," how "I can't believe he said that to me...doesn't he realize how badly he hurt me?"...and I'm sure the list could go on and on about what I foolishly and unwisely said.

She said something to me that has forever changed how I view situations and how I let them affect me. "You choose how you respond to things. People can't make you feel guilty...you let yourself feel that way. You choose when someone may be saying/doing something that you don't agree with, but YOU ultimately choose how you're going to feel about that...and how long you're going to let it affect you."

Well...geez...talk about constructive criticism. It's not of God for us to think that way...it's not of God for us to be offended...we can help each other with that. We choose how we react/respond to situations/things people say to us...I shouldn't be responding the same way that a non-christian would be responding because I have the faith in God...


Back to the conversation with this other person...the person kept going on about how he/she had their feelings hurt and felt guilty...and I said, "no,no,no...you choose how you react/respond to things and as long as we are responding in a way that is worthy of Christ...then we're doing what He asks of us.."

That is honestly what I think about when someone says something that could be taken offensively to me...that's not my intent to hurt people..and I honestly believe that it isn't someone's intent period...so stop being offended and see how you can change how you react/respond to things.

Choose to be offended...or choose to love and forgive.

New Job...Same Heart.

I have recently started a new job through the Maine Transition Network (MTN) as well as AmeriCorps. The gist of the it is that I am a transition coordinator for high school teens ages 15-18 who have disabilities. I essentially help them prepare for their future and figure out some generic "lifeskills" that they may not know how to do.

I have 14 students that I work with everyday. I've had to do oodles of paperwork,which can be annoying when I just want to hang out with the teens. I have to remember that their homework comes first and then I get to work with them...so I'll help them with their homework, observe them in classes, and provide them with the information that they need in order to accomplish a certain task.

It boggles my mind the kind of need that is around me everyday. These kids not only have disabilities, but are also judged completely because they get put into the "special ed room" so that they can receive the accomodation that they need in order to be successful in school. The people who work with them are incredibly devoted and have encouraged me SO much. Bless them.

There's this one kid, I'll call him Art (not his real name,obv)...and he has a really hard time coming to school...he's been through a lot I guess you could say. He loves to smile...and loves Pepsi. I wanted him to come on a field trip that I'm organizing and for bribery for him to come,I gave him a Pepsi...and now he's stoked to go. This same kid needed someone to go into his gym class with him...so I went because I was free and really enjoy this kid's heart and he makes me laugh constantly,so that always helps of course.

We walk into gym and he heads right for the work out room. Awesome. Neat. I wore flats and had my hair done nicely. He gets on the tredmill and I get on the bike...we work out for ten minutes, then we switch for another ten...then I some weight lifting (laugh if you must) and he laughed at me too. Then we shot basketball. The joy that Art experienced was written all over his face.

To me, that is success. Letting a kid know that he is loved and cherished...

Keep Holding On

In the midst of hearing radio broadcasts and news reports about the devastation in Haiti, I find myself saying three words...keep holding on. Words can't even describe the pain and torture people are experiencing in a place that I've never been. I've never had to worry about my house not being there when I get home from work. I've never had to worry about having to dig to find my loved ones under a mass of destruction.These people's lives have been taken from them...everything they ever new to be "normal" is now changed forever. I pray that they would keep holding on...that they would seek truth and find it in a place where all that they see is devastation.

At youth group this past week, my youth pastor pointed a girl out to me who was wearing merely a sweatshirt. I had assumed that she had put her coat down somewhere in the youth center. He said, "That's all that she has for winter gear." My heart sank. Where I live is freakin' cold! I wouldn't be walking around in just a sweatshirt when the sun is shining, let alone in a sweatshirt at nighttime in the cold,bitter air.

Devastation takes different forms. For some areas...it is extreme...like in Haiti. For others, in a small town in northern Maine...it's braving the winter without a coat.

Think.