Personality

Over the past few days I have been thinking about what I used to be like about five to six years ago. Looking back, as hindsight would be 20/20, I realize what a jerk I was to people sometimes. I used to be overly sarcastic to the point that it would destroy my friendships with people. A few people would call me out on it, but I just brushed it off with a "I don't care" type of attitude. However, looking back, I wish that I had listened...instead, it took me years to realize the damage that I had done with family, friends, and even strangers. First impressions are huge...and goodness knows that I need/want to make a good one.

Besides making a good first impression, I got to thinking about my personality. When I'm around certain personalities now, I think a ton...because I realize "Oh, I used to be like that." And then I hear it echo in my head.."OH, I used to be like that...really?" I'm finding more and more that I want a personality that not only stays true to myself, but lifts people up, and doesn't jeapordize the relationship that I have with them. I want to have a personality that inspires people...challenges people...makes people laugh...encourages people...and builds good relationships.

Personality is a huge part of who we are...
When I looked up the word "personality" in the dictionary...these are some of the definitions that I found.

1. the visible aspect of one's character as it impresses others
2. a person as an embodiment of a collection of qualities
3. the quality of being a person
4. the essential character of a person

With personality being "the essential character of a person," I want to make sure that mine helps and does not hurt people. I want to be known for having a dynamite personality! It's meant to "impress" others...not cause people to spiral into a depression...so is your personality worth being around?

New York,New York

I've been in New York for a week now, and there have been a few celebrations! I was able to be here for my sister's birthday last week and my brother in law's graduation from seminary as well! It has been such a great time to share with them.

Over the weekend, Evan's family and my parents came down for the graduation festivities. It was really great to see everyone again, although it was a bit overwhelming.

I have thoroughly enjoyed spending time with Robin and Evan because any other time that I have shared with them, there has been some sort of agenda for the visit (ie: graduation, Christmas, Thanksgiving). Not that it was a bad time, but we didn't have time to just be with each other and enjoy one another's company, so I guess that we're making up for lost time...and it's been so good!

I am realizing more and more that this whole "culture shock" thing is going to take more than a month at home to kind of deal with. This past weekend, when other people were around that I didn't know...I closed up...I hid in the kitchen doing dishes (which I've been doing much of) and didn't feel like being social.

For anyone that knows me, they know that this is incredibly odd. I guess that I'm just not ready to have to try to have relationships...if that makes any sense. It's tough...to come back, be around family that you know really well, and then have strangers come into the mix. It's almost as though you don't know how to respond...do you make an effort or do you let them just enjoy their time with others?

For me,I hid...It's weird to not want to try to make friends...I thrive on that...and now I fear it...go figure.

However, despite the weird days,there are oodles of good ones. I have loved spending time with these two and the laughs and the memories that have been made will stay with me for a long time. Be encouraged!

Since I've Been Gone...

Well,I've been home for a little over a month now. Pretty crazy that the time has gone by that quickly. I feel like I just stepped off the plane yesterday...not a month ago!

Since I've been home, I've really enjoyed spending time just relaxing and hanging out with my family. A couple of weeks ago I had my college graduation. My sister, brother in law, and grandmother all came up for the weekend festivities. It was so good to spend time with them. It was also fantastic to visit with friends that I hadn't seen for a year. It's amazing to me how we can pick up right where we left off. That gives me such hope for the future in my ministries and as I travel around.

Speaking of traveling around...I'm leaving this coming week for New York to hang out with my sister and her husband before his seminary graduation. More fun times will be had! Then,I'll be heading to Pennsylvania where I will serve as Christian Education for the second summer in a row! I am so stoked!

I had my phone interview for South Korea last night and it went really well. I now have a list of all of the requirements and the guy that I spoke to was very informative. I feel such a huge sense of peace about this entire process. As soon as I got off the phone, I went upstairs to see my dad and I just said, "Dad, I am so excited!" So please continue to pray for me about that next adventure.

I'm still trying to unpack everything from New Zealand. This is such a long process. I have enjoyed slowly starting to be around people and share my experiences with people. It's crazy...I've never been the anti-social type, but that is exactly what I've been like for the past month. When I'm around people, I do fine...I'm not awkward, or at least no more than usual, but I'm perfectly content being in my home and not venturing out. I'm not depressed or anything like that...it's just a huge change that I'm still trying to get used to. So please continue to pray for me. Ask me questions about New Zealand because I'd love to share!

Remember to be blessed and be a blessing to someone.

Letting Me Go as Opposed to Needing Me to Go

I started some debriefing with my senior pastor this week. I am a total dork. I was going through my head the possible questions that he could ask me and trying to "prep" myself for what was to come in the next little while. That little while turned out to be over an hour and a half! I was so blessed!

We sat and talked for quite a while...I told him some of the key things that I had learned over there and he shared with me some of the things that he learned while being on his sabbatical from January-March. I was so blessed to have him and his family come to Auckland while I was there. They didn't expect me to meet them at the airport, but I woke up at 4:30am (how I remember that...ugh) and drove to the airport all by myself for the first time. I kept waiting for them to come through the sliding doors, but others came through...so I waited and waited some more. I was so excited!

As soon as I sat down, here they came...looking excited as ever. I can remember Mel, Mackenzie, and Madeline walking by me without realizing that I was right there,but Randall said, "It's the Heidster!" That has been his nickname for me for years! He made the four of us get in a photo, reluctantly, and then we carried on. I never knew the impact that had on him...until debriefing.

He shared with me how God lets us be a part of what He's doing...He doesn't need us to do it. He loves how we love to go somewhere and do work for the Kingdom, but He doesn't actually need us to do it. Crazy thought that I'm still trying to process. That along with how we are to die to ourselves every day so that we can live more fully for Christ. I'm starting to dig into the book of Acts and really put myself in the passages that I am reading.

One of the last things that Randall said was that he and Mel (his wife) had done ministry in New Zealand quite a while ago...so they were the missionaries there, who would be greeting people who came to visit or such. By me coming to the airport to welcome his family, he was incredibly blessed. I guess we never know what type of impact we can actually have on people. I didn't think that I would have had that kind of an impact...I was just picking them up from the airport!

It got me thinking...The Burns family have poured into me since I was in junior high. They have been a part of me becoming the woman of God that I have. So by them seeing me in New Zealand as a missionary, they were blessed because God let them be a part of ministering to me and now I was out ministering to others. What a blessing!

So, pour into people...because you never know what may happen.
I'm blessed.

The Snow is Melting...The Rain is Falling...

Yay for snow and yay for snow melting :) I've been home for nearly a week now and there is a lot less snow then when I first arrived. Hey,I'm not complaining! To the left is a picture of my house. It felt so weird to walk into a house that had an attic and a basement, as most homes in NZ do not have those!
It feels so nice to be able to sleep in...seeing as I'm trying to get into the time zone...I find myself going to sleep between 3-4 am and waking up in the early afternoon. Don't worry people, I will be social again hopefully soon.

It's so weird. I thought that when I came back I would be keen to spend time with as many people as possible, but it's been the total opposite. I ventured out on Saturday to the Maine State Jazz Festival and saw a ton of people there that I knew, but I was really out of it as I'm still exhausted. I also saw my friend's band play on Saturday night...and again, I left early...because I'm tired and just finding it very overwhelming to be around a group of people.

I'm hoping that I get out of this funk sometime soon. On a brighter note...I am officially done all of my internship work. I finished the reflection paper on Sunday and I did my portfolio of all that I've done, yesterday....and let's just say that the binder is enormous and weighs a ton. I'll be driving down to Bethany tomorrow with a couple of friends to drop all of that off. Woohoo!

Graduation is two and a half weeks away. Someone asked me today how I feel about that and honestly, I'm so pumped for it. I just want to get my degree and be done with school for a little while. It still boggles my mind that I'm graduating though because I'm not at school, but I'm guessing that when I go up to visit tomorrow, that I'll become more aware of the fact that my friends and I are all graduating soon....weird.

Be blessed and be a blessing!

P.S. Plans for South Korea are starting to form :)

Back to Maine...Back to Reality.

The clock says 2 am and I'm still awake.

I'm back in Maine now. My last flight got in this morning at 8:45 and I was relieved to see my parents there...I must admit that it felt really weird to see them because it had been so long. The next thing I was worried about were my bags because they had to change my terminals...but thankfully they were there.

Traveling by myself this time was quite brutal. I left Auckland after saying goodbye to 22 amazing friends that have become part of my family. It has been the hardest thing for me to be away from them. It just doesn't feel right. I keep expecting my cell phone to vibrate and to get a text message or have one of my teens run up to me and try to bruise me. It's just different.

Once I got home, I sat in the green chair in our living room and just sobbed. It's back to reality...I'm not in New Zealand anymore. I'm not surrounded by a diverse culture. I'm not looking at palm trees and hearing the ocean...instead I'm looking at snow and having my dog Coal lick my pants. People didn't prepare me for this. I am glad to be home, but it's so hard when my heart is somewhere else...I don't feel complete. I don't feel like being social. I feel so tired in every possible way,but my mind won't let me rest.

My parents said that if there were any possible way that they could have let me stay there, they would have because they knew how difficult this was going to be for me. I'm so thankful that they are being understanding. It's frustrating for them too because they don't know how to react and what to do for me to help. I did e-mail my pastor about doing debriefing with him,so hopefully we'll start that soon.

My heart hurts. I'm a world away from my boys that I love and miss so much. This is going to take some getting used to. This is going to take some time. I know that this will make me stronger and God has a reason for me experiencing these emotions at this time. Please keep me in your prayers as I adjust to being home...

To those of you in NZ, I miss you greatly.

Be blessed and be a blessing...even when you don't think you can be.

Heidi

The time has come to say good bye...

I look to the left of me, and there sit my two bags...one red hiker bag and one green suitcase. It's Christmas. Not quite, but you get the idea. I honestly didn't think that I would be able to get it all in,or that I would have to sit on my suitcase to get it shut, but thankfully it's all good...I'm just praying that it isn't overweight,otherwise I'm in trouble.

I have never felt more blessed than I have the past two days. I have had numerous people call,text,and swing by all to say "hi and bye" and to check to see if I am okay. As hard as last night was for me, I felt so loved to look in the Mackay's living room and see my two old flatmates Michelle and Jess, Rachel, Brent, James, Rick, Sam, Evy, Rod, Jan, Phil, and had people come in while we were there with each other. As I looked at each person's face, I found myself trying to memorize it so that I would never forget it.

I am such a leaky faucet. I honestly don't understand how I have anymore tears left. It's totally bizarre. Where do they come from?!I think I'll become dehydrated or something...eeks! So, here ya go...

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go.

I'm standing here outside your door.

I hate to wake you up to say good-bye.

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn

The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn

Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me

Tell me that you'll wait for me

Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane

I don't know when I'll be back again

Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'll be Stateside soon and I'm excited to see people...and NZ just you wait for the return of Heidi Genevieve Sattler.