Manic Monday...

I was going to write this yesterday,but based on my day...there was no way that I was going near this thing.

6:40 am: Mom came into my room, woke me up and asked if I wanted to sub. Me-facedown into my pillow-uggghhhhghghgdfdkjl okay.
7:25 am: Burner catches on fire due to me not being fully awake. Good story actually...ask me about it and I'll tell you.
7:45 am: Meet some of my students for the day.
11:30 am: 7 out of 20 students have to stay in for recess because of being disrespectful to me...trust me,I gave them plenty of warnings.
12:45 pm: I send a student down to the principal's office because of lying and sneeking items.
2:30 pm: Couldn't have come fast enough.
3:00 pm: My supposed doctor's appointment.
4:15 pm: Actually seen by doctor.
4:20 pm: Done consult.
4:25 pm: Receive shot.
4:35 pm: Pick up new card(see burner story) and shish kebab skewers.
5:00 pm: Marinade meat.
5:30 pm: Cut finger while cutting up veggies for the kebabs.
6:00 pm: Marinade sauce enters open cut...um,yeah..that killed.
9:00 pm: Realized that the hat that I've been knitting, well I messed it up and have to see a knitter professional to fix it.
11:30 pm: Finally bed.

It's amazing how after I had such a good day on Sunday (see latest blog post), that I have the worst Monday ever. Crazy how that works, eh?
Enjoy my life.

God of Justice

Church. was. awesome. today.

I was dreading waking up early to get to church for 7:40. When I heard the buzzing of my phone at 6:30, I pulled down the blinds just enough to see nothing...that's right...it was still reallllly dark outside. The true signs of winter approaching. I got ready and though I was dreading being at church so early(because I love sleep,not because I don't like Jesus) and what do you know...I was there ten minutes early. Awesome. Go me.

We ran through the songs and soon it was time for service. I hadn't realized that we were having guest speakers today. "Ugh" I thought. "I really needed to hear a sermon today." What kind of an attitude was that? The service went on and soon, the guest speakers were playing a short video...about a rehab center that they started in New Hampshire (about five hours away). "Great. How does this pertain to me at all?"

Here I was so focused on the rehab or "habilitation" as they called it and God clearly had something else in mind. Last night, I was stressing about South Korea and saying good-bye and moving on...and this month at my church is a month focused on missions. Each church should be missional, as well as each person. I, myself, have done/will continue to do missions. "Okay,so what's the point? I've done this already."

I wasn't listening...until the guy said, "People just have to be willing." Ding,ding,ding.

Later on, I was listening to my friends new album and the song "God of Justice" by Tim Hughes came on. I had never heard it before, but here are the lyrics. Coincidence? I don't think so.

God of Justice, Saviour to all

Came to rescue the weak and the poor

Chose to serve and not be served

Jesus, You have called us

Freely we've received

Now freely we will give

We must go live to feed the hungry

Stand beside the broken

We must go

Stepping forward keep us from just singing

Move us into action

We must go

To act justly everyday

Loving mercy in everyway

Walking humbly before You God

You have shown us, what You require

Freely we've received

Now freely we will give

Fill us up and send us out

Fill us up and send us out

Fill us up and send us out Lord

thanks for the check mr. reality...

I was sitting in front of the tv, watching a reality show (don't mock me) and then,reality hit me. I'm not saying that it was because of a girl named Heidi crying on the tv, but then the girl Heidi (me) sitting in the chair, started to cry. I quickly grabbed my laptop and came up to my room so as to not have my mom see me. It's not that I mind crying in front of her,I just didn't know what I would say when she asked what was wrong.

When I got up to my room, I looked at my calendar...9 weeks. Just nine weeks until I would leave for South Korea...for a year...at least. Oh my goodness. Mental. Usually when I talk about it, I'm really excited, but I started to cry this time. "Oh my goodness" and "what am I doing" were the thoughts going through my head. "This is insane" and "This is selfish" soon came flooding my thoughts.

Tears streamed down my face as I thought about the last time I saw my gram. I was coming back from my road trip with my best friend Andy, and I stayed at her house for a night. She spoke about how lonely she is now that gramps is gone (4 years ago) and my heart broke for her.
I thought about the last time I saw my sister and brother in law...I was in Indiana in August-September visiting them as they got settled in more and more. I remember saying goodbye to them as they headed to the airport to fly to England(for the weekend...mental) for a wedding.

I didn't want it to end like that. I don't want 9 weeks to go by fast at all. I'm loving being home and investing in the teens in my town, planning a youth all nighter for this weekend, and substitute teaching kids who say "Oh my goodness I have to fart so bad" and who can't pronounce my name correctly so it comes out "Ms. Sour" instead of Ms. Sattler.

I'm not ready to leave. I'm not ready to say good-bye. Now I know that some of you are saying, "Heid, you have 9 more weeks." The scary thought is how fast those will go by and then it's on to my next adventure, which don't get me wrong, I AM excited for, it's just really overwhelming...and it hit again tonight. I know that it's where God wants me for this time in my life and I know that a year will fly by and before you know it I will be talking about my family flying over to see me and/or signing on for another year at a school over there.

The check of reality came tonight...most definitely. I'm comfortable being home...and though that's awesome and I'm thankful for it, it also kind of scares me...I don't want to settle yet...I want to live life as it comes and long for the next adventure...

So please pray for me and I'll pray for you.

Motivation

I was sitting in math class today when I wrote this.

I'm sitting in math class. Grade 7. We're learning about the standard units of measurement. Riveting. It's 11:17am. Only twenty-three more minutes left in this class. Then onto recess duty for ten minutes. It's quite cold outside, so a winter coat is frighteningly necessary. I'm not going to lie, I love going down the hall and having the kids say, "Who's that?" or "Yay! She's here!" I know, it sounds dorky,but it's nice when kids are actually excited to have me as a substitute.

I've just been sitting in math class after math class. I can't help but scan the classroom and see the looks on the kids faces. They're clearly bored. Perhaps it's because of the monotone teacher. I wonder if I had the same look on my face when I was in grade 7 math class...probably did.

Right now they can't see beyond this. The kids goof off and talk about how they can't wait until they're old enough to drop out of school because they don't see it as "important." They're willing to settle for the life that they've been taught, not to dream, soar, or be passionate about the future. They are willing to settle for mediocre.

Looking around at the posters and "decorations" gets the wheels in my head turning about how I can make my classroom awesome in South Korea. I want kids to be able to focus, but to also feel that learning actually is fun. I want them to have passion and to take that passion out of the classroom. And definitely...under no circumstance...will I allow them to settle for mediocre.

Blast from the Past

I've been working at this school in Maine who has this "No Bullying" policy. I look at the signs that they have up and the kids making posters for it and it makes me think back to how I used to get made fun of SO much when I was growing up.

Over the past couple of weeks, I've come into contact with those people who used to bully me in jr high and high school. First, when I worked on the potato harvester(yes, I did that) and then in stores, gas stations...I've come into contact with three people who used to bully me...and I wonder what kind of people they have become today. Do they still do that? Are they getting picked on? Do they even remember me? The first one, on the harvester, didn't even remember that he used to bully me into finishing his english homework...wow. Don't judge me... I didn't want to get beat up.

Seeing them got me thinking about how I've changed even since high school. It's amazing how much less you have in common with people after you haven't seen them for five years. Mental. This summer, I was able to see Tash and Evy that I met while in New Zealand. It was great to see them, but Tash said something to me that still has me thinking every single day. She said to me after being around me for about forty-five minutes, "You're not the same as you were in New Zealand."

I know that she didn't mean to offend at all, but all I could think was "Ouch!" How had I let that happen? How had I let the person who I had become, get pushed to the backburner...what had I done to allow that to happen? Does that happen when you adapt back into your own culture...your comfort zone? Was I always like that, or just around people that I hadn't seen in a while...because people at camp thought that I was random, spontaneous, and ridiculous...so what has me holding a part of me back?

I dare you to ask yourself the same question...What has you holding a part of yourself back...

Red Light::Green Light

Have you ever sat at a red light and let your thoughts consume you? You're just sitting, waiting, and waiting...for that light to change green so that you can go to your next destination. You can't be bothered to stop your life for a few seconds and to relax and think. There I found myself, staring at the paved road ahead of me just waiting to get the green light to go. It was a paved road, but had some potholes and some cracks in it, along with some puddles. I like to think that's how my road(life) will be...it won't be all smooth and freshly painted, but it's in those cracks, puddles, and potholes, that I see what has been designed for me.

I sat, consumed. I've been home for two weeks. Just signed a year contract with a school in Suwon, South Korea. I miss my best friend, Andy. I just said good-bye to my English friend Fiona who I knew that I would see again sometime, but I wasn't sure as to when I would see her.

Red lights...they make us stop...they make me think. Granted usually when I'm at a red light I'm rushing trying to get to my destination or I'm annoyed that this light is lasting forever, but tonight, at 11:15, I sat alone at that red light and for a second, I didn't want it to turn green. I didn't want to go to my next destination. I was letting my thoughts surround me. Memories, adventures, blessings, friends, and my next adventure that I will embark on.

I know that the law enforces these red lights, but I like to think that they not only pause our car, or put it on hold, but they pause our lives and help us to, if we will, think about things...they help to put things in perspective.Sure, it sounds cheesy,but that's what I thought tonight...they really do serve a purpose.

Excursions...

We're into our fourth week of camp: Music camp. That's right...band camp.I'm not ashamed to admit that I have attended band camp willingly before and now I find myself teaching theory, helping with chorus, and teaching piano. That's right...the girl who's never taken a piano lesson is teaching piano...pretty mental,but my students really like me :)

Pre-camp was a great time to reconnect with people from last summer and then the staff arrived at the first of June. It was crazy to see people after having not seen them for a year!

I have been one of the two speakers for the camp and I must say that I absolutely love my job. To dance and sing with the kids, lead worship, and speak on top of that...what a blessing. I find myself giving thanks to God each day for reminding me that I am His servant and that He has plans for me that far outweigh the plans that I can make for myself.

I am finding myself getting close with the counselors and support staff. What a great bunch! Honestly! I'm heading to Maryland with a group of 20 people for a four day break from camp. I'm sure that we'll have a blast and get to know each other even better than we currently do!

This past break, the entire staff went on a seven mile hike to see about twenty-two waterfalls. This is the crew that decided to make a pact to stay at the front of the group. We may have gotten separated a bit, but me, Rachel and Emma (to the left of me) stayed together and made it in record timing. What a sight and what a great way to be reminded of God's creativity and the beauty that He's made for us to enjoy!

Camp is great. People are great. Adjusting to being back in the States is getting better each day, with the prayers and support of my friends not only far away, but my best friends who are at camp with me this summer.

Remember...be blessed and be a blessing.