Friday, April 17, 2009

Letting Me Go as Opposed to Needing Me to Go

I started some debriefing with my senior pastor this week. I am a total dork. I was going through my head the possible questions that he could ask me and trying to "prep" myself for what was to come in the next little while. That little while turned out to be over an hour and a half! I was so blessed!

We sat and talked for quite a while...I told him some of the key things that I had learned over there and he shared with me some of the things that he learned while being on his sabbatical from January-March. I was so blessed to have him and his family come to Auckland while I was there. They didn't expect me to meet them at the airport, but I woke up at 4:30am (how I remember that...ugh) and drove to the airport all by myself for the first time. I kept waiting for them to come through the sliding doors, but others came through...so I waited and waited some more. I was so excited!

As soon as I sat down, here they came...looking excited as ever. I can remember Mel, Mackenzie, and Madeline walking by me without realizing that I was right there,but Randall said, "It's the Heidster!" That has been his nickname for me for years! He made the four of us get in a photo, reluctantly, and then we carried on. I never knew the impact that had on him...until debriefing.

He shared with me how God lets us be a part of what He's doing...He doesn't need us to do it. He loves how we love to go somewhere and do work for the Kingdom, but He doesn't actually need us to do it. Crazy thought that I'm still trying to process. That along with how we are to die to ourselves every day so that we can live more fully for Christ. I'm starting to dig into the book of Acts and really put myself in the passages that I am reading.

One of the last things that Randall said was that he and Mel (his wife) had done ministry in New Zealand quite a while ago...so they were the missionaries there, who would be greeting people who came to visit or such. By me coming to the airport to welcome his family, he was incredibly blessed. I guess we never know what type of impact we can actually have on people. I didn't think that I would have had that kind of an impact...I was just picking them up from the airport!

It got me thinking...The Burns family have poured into me since I was in junior high. They have been a part of me becoming the woman of God that I have. So by them seeing me in New Zealand as a missionary, they were blessed because God let them be a part of ministering to me and now I was out ministering to others. What a blessing!

So, pour into people...because you never know what may happen.
I'm blessed.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The Snow is Melting...The Rain is Falling...


Yay for snow and yay for snow melting :) I've been home for nearly a week now and there is a lot less snow then when I first arrived. Hey,I'm not complaining! To the left is a picture of my house. It felt so weird to walk into a house that had an attic and a basement, as most homes in NZ do not have those!
It feels so nice to be able to sleep in...seeing as I'm trying to get into the time zone...I find myself going to sleep between 3-4 am and waking up in the early afternoon. Don't worry people, I will be social again hopefully soon.

It's so weird. I thought that when I came back I would be keen to spend time with as many people as possible, but it's been the total opposite. I ventured out on Saturday to the Maine State Jazz Festival and saw a ton of people there that I knew, but I was really out of it as I'm still exhausted. I also saw my friend's band play on Saturday night...and again, I left early...because I'm tired and just finding it very overwhelming to be around a group of people.

I'm hoping that I get out of this funk sometime soon. On a brighter note...I am officially done all of my internship work. I finished the reflection paper on Sunday and I did my portfolio of all that I've done, yesterday....and let's just say that the binder is enormous and weighs a ton. I'll be driving down to Bethany tomorrow with a couple of friends to drop all of that off. Woohoo!

Graduation is two and a half weeks away. Someone asked me today how I feel about that and honestly, I'm so pumped for it. I just want to get my degree and be done with school for a little while. It still boggles my mind that I'm graduating though because I'm not at school, but I'm guessing that when I go up to visit tomorrow, that I'll become more aware of the fact that my friends and I are all graduating soon....weird.

Be blessed and be a blessing!

P.S. Plans for South Korea are starting to form :)

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Back to Maine...Back to Reality.

The clock says 2 am and I'm still awake.

I'm back in Maine now. My last flight got in this morning at 8:45 and I was relieved to see my parents there...I must admit that it felt really weird to see them because it had been so long. The next thing I was worried about were my bags because they had to change my terminals...but thankfully they were there.

Traveling by myself this time was quite brutal. I left Auckland after saying goodbye to 22 amazing friends that have become part of my family. It has been the hardest thing for me to be away from them. It just doesn't feel right. I keep expecting my cell phone to vibrate and to get a text message or have one of my teens run up to me and try to bruise me. It's just different.

Once I got home, I sat in the green chair in our living room and just sobbed. It's back to reality...I'm not in New Zealand anymore. I'm not surrounded by a diverse culture. I'm not looking at palm trees and hearing the ocean...instead I'm looking at snow and having my dog Coal lick my pants. People didn't prepare me for this. I am glad to be home, but it's so hard when my heart is somewhere else...I don't feel complete. I don't feel like being social. I feel so tired in every possible way,but my mind won't let me rest.

My parents said that if there were any possible way that they could have let me stay there, they would have because they knew how difficult this was going to be for me. I'm so thankful that they are being understanding. It's frustrating for them too because they don't know how to react and what to do for me to help. I did e-mail my pastor about doing debriefing with him,so hopefully we'll start that soon.

My heart hurts. I'm a world away from my boys that I love and miss so much. This is going to take some getting used to. This is going to take some time. I know that this will make me stronger and God has a reason for me experiencing these emotions at this time. Please keep me in your prayers as I adjust to being home...

To those of you in NZ, I miss you greatly.

Be blessed and be a blessing...even when you don't think you can be.

Heidi